Champagne Supernova

Friendship vs Love

2010-01-02T23:34:00.002+07:00

Hey Champ.. how are you? I recently read this somewhere and would like to share it with you:

Friendship is a quiet walk in the park with the one you trust
Love is when you feel like you are the only two around
Friendship is when they gaze into your eyes and you know they care
Love is when they gaze into your eyes and it warms your heart
Friendship is being close even when you are far apart
Love is when you can still feel their hand on your heart when they are not near
Friendship is hoping that they experience the very best
Love is when you bring them the very best
Friendship occupies your mind
Love occupies your soul
Friendship is knowing that you will always try to be there when in need
Love is when you will give up everything to be at their side
Friendship is a warm smile in the winter
Love is a warming touch that sends a pulse through your heart

Love is a beautiful smile to which nothing compares
A tender laugh, which opens your heart
A single touch that melts away your fears
A smell that reminds you of the tenderness of heaven
A voice that reminds you of the innocence of youth

Friendship can survive without love
Love cannot live without friendship

Happiness

2009-10-25T03:39:00.003+07:00

Hey Champ...
I betcha life has been treating u well.. Coz I found out that lately I'm living a life that makes me feel whole and content.

I finally found a true friendship, a kind that I've never had before. I've never imagine that I would be able to have that kind of relationship (re: friendship). What people say that a good friend is hard to find is completely, really-really true. Now that I've found it, I will nurture it as much as I could; with my whole heart, giving my loyalty to the friend who is loyal to me, accepting me the way I am, who are also a good influencer; helping me to become a better person, enriching me and patronizing me to stay in the right path. God, I thank you for this blessing You've provided me.

Other thing that also help me feel content is the job that I'm having at the moment. Although I'm still figuring out many things, I can at least try to enjoy my work, especially when my Boz and Supervisors provided me a supportive environment to perform as best as I could. Being rewarded with trust and respect within only a short period of working time for them is really surprising. I'm happy for the great treatment, though on the other hand I see it as a burden since I should not disappoint them or misuse the privileges for my personal interests. The temptation is huuugggeee, but thank God I can still manage to fight it.

Last but not least is my family and a place that I can call a home. Without them, I believe I can't be where I am right now. Thank you mom, thank you dad for the lessons and the way you've raised me. Although I'm still naughty and disobedient, I always keep your advice in my mind and heart and always try my best not to disappoint you guys. Believe me when I say this, I love you both although it's hard for me to show/say it out loud due to some barriers established between us. Yeah, I do love you guys.

In d end, I can say that Happiness is a state of emotion someone earns through hard works and by making lots of efforts which in the end could boost up the motivation to live a life. Without it, one would be miserable and confused.

As for now, my one quest that I gotta conquer is to find the Love of my life. I believe when the right time comes, that person will show up. And I do hope by that time I'm gonna be ready to embrace it. I'm tired of hoping and expecting too much. I'm sick of uncertainties, and playing games is not my thing. As for now, I can settle being by my own... I will be waiting for my REAL bright, shining ★ that is meant for me...

Take care Champ, I will talk to you soon enough you won't notice that I'm gone...

I know you love me,

Xoxo,

Cho

"Take a chance & take a risk in everything you do. It may not be as unstable as you thought. Take a step back and admire what you've done because in the end, it might be worth it. And if it's not, you learned a lesson in life and you will have grown wiser. So live your life without regrets, take chances and risks, and see how far you can fly"

Rindu Ini...

2009-10-08T05:17:00.002+07:00

Kuterjaga dari lelapku
Rasa ini tak terbendung
Tak terkira, tak terperi

Semesta,
Kabulkan mimpiku
Untuk sejenak miliki dirinya

Dalam dekapku
Dalam hangatku
Dalam pelukku
Memadu kasih bersama

Walau hanya sejenak...

Out of Place

2009-10-04T01:03:00.001+07:00

Can't enjoy
Can't have fun
Can't be happy
I'm so out of place

One place I have in mind
One place I can think about
One place I want to be
With you, my shining ★

Can't help my feeling
Can't expect anything
Can't hope too much
One moment is all I ask for

My bright, shining ★
Hear me
Hear my voice
Hear my thoughts
Hear my wish

This torture, this desire
Relieve me, Free me
Stop the spell, make me sober
Stop me from loving you
And make me happy again

Under The Spell

2009-09-28T18:53:00.001+07:00

Can't believe this is happening
Again, again and again...

I know it won't happen
I understand it won't work
Yet I'm still hoping
Still wanting, still believing
That I could be a good friend,
At least.

Where ever I go, whatever I do
I can't shift my mind away
Day or night
Sober or asleep
I'm actually drunk
Perhaps being charmed
With the unspoken words

I'm under the spell
The love spell, or...
The infatuation spell...?

An Evolution

2009-09-27T01:33:00.003+07:00

The fallen angel has evolved
The angel is now flying without wings
That bright shining ★ showed some mercy;
showered the angel with some stardust

Will the angel survive?
Will the angel fall back down?
Only time will tell...

This feeling I have...

2009-09-23T21:12:00.002+07:00

It's hard when you have a feeling about something or for someone yet you can't express it out loud...

"I wanna know why you're happy
I wanna know is it me that you miss?
I wanna know how are you doing every day
I wanna know do I even have a space in your mind and your heart?

'Coz...

I'm happy everytime I see you
I miss you every second of my life
I'm not doing okay 'coz I can't get ahold of you, yet
You are always on my mind and in my heart"

I hate this feeling but I'm happy that I'm able to feel this after being empty for quite some time; but it's killing me that I always prefer to just stop dreaming, to stop hoping, to stop wondering...

You gave me wings and made me fly towards the seventh heaven, where I always hope that I could reach the bright, shining ★: you...

But, I can't stand the journey I'm going through. I think my wings are broken now. I can't fly no more and I don't want to struggle anymore...

Just let me fall... Before it hurts me badly... Just let me fall, with my eyes looking at you, my bright, shining ★, that when I finally land and close my eyes, you are the last beautiful scene that I will see and always remember...

A Sigh of Relieve, A Sign of Spoil or A State of Boredom?

2009-08-20T14:12:00.007+07:00

Hey Champ...!!!

Two weeks ago I submitted my second-attempt thesis paper, although it was due two weeks before. I was not as excited as I felt when I submitted it the first time... however, I'm grateful that I could made it.

Tomorrow is my time to defense what I wrote, yet I don't care anymore about it. I haven't even prepare and retouch my slides up 'til this very moment. I don't give a d*mn about it at all. I don't care, I don't want to care, in fact, I would probably disappear tomorrow.

But, that would only happen in my dream. I realize I can't runaway anymore. I can't postpone and prolong what should be done. I should put this to an end, I should finish it and finish it gracefully. I can't wait to move on, I can't wait to see what's waiting on the other side. I've come this far, I've climbed this high, I've worked this hard... and I just want to wrap it with a memorable bow, not only for me but for everyone who has been involved emotionally (and unemotionally) and make everyone proud, especially The One up there...

My new chapter is waiting for me as soon as I end my study. I got the job that I've been involved in the process since four months ago. I remember how bad I wanted this job, I remember I kept thinking about the job every time I go to bed, I remember how I portray myself working for that title. After that so many interviews and trial and test, I got accepted four days ago.. However, I did not feel any joy nor excitement.... And I now realize that I could not be happy for being accepted on the job I've been pursuing because I still have one more task to finish, there's a homework for me to do and that would be tomorrow!!!

Earlier upon writing this to you, Champ, I went to pick up my laundry. The owner who I referred to as "Om" asked how I'm holding up with things in my life and my family... From the conversation I had this evening with him, I received a message that I should remember my God, pray and surrender to Him. Somehow, I finally felt the need to prepare and get everything ready for tomorrow.

I will prepare as best as I could, and will not worry or expect too much. I don't wanna be disappointed for the second time. This time, I should get my expected grade and proceed the convocation. I believe I would be very happy.. a very very happy person tomorrow... I just can't wait to move on. Many opportunities are waiting for me. Yeah..

I will pray, am praying and am surrendering everything to you My Lord, Jesus

Thanks for your time Champ, talk to you next time

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Safe n Sound

2009-08-19T05:06:00.004+07:00

Hey Champ,

What's up? Just wanna drop by for quick to say hello and how are you... LoL. I'm still here, not going anywhere yet, safe n sound...

Take care for now,

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

My Lowest Point

2009-08-10T09:16:00.003+07:00

words can not express how I feel at the moment...
I will let the power of music & lyrics do it for me..

When peace like a river attendeth my way When sorrows like sea billows roll Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say It is well, it is well with my soul
The story behind the hymn

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it That dream I am dreaming But there's a voice inside my head saying "You'll never reach it" Every step I'm taking Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking But I gotta keep trying Gotta keep my head held high The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down But no, I'm not breaking I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm gonna remember most, yeah Just gotta keep going And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on 'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb, yeah! Keep on moving, keep climbing Keep the faith, baby It's all about, it's all about the climb Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Crazier - Taylor Swift

I've never gone with the wind Just let it flow Let it take me where it wants to go Til' you opened the door And there's so much more I'd never seen it before I was tryin' to fly but I couldn't find wings But you came along and changed everything
I watched from a distance as you Made life your own Every sky was your own kind of blue And I wanted to know how that would feel And you made it so real You showed me something that I couldn't see You opened my eyes and you made me believe Baby you showed me what livin' is for I don't wanna hide anymore Oh Ohh
You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm fallin and I I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier crazier crazier Crazier Crazier Crazier

Continuing Life

2009-08-04T12:49:00.007+07:00

Hey Champ... what's up?

Again, I'm still doing my habit of leaving you off my news for quite some time.. I'm sorry. It's just I haven't found any urge to write ANYTHING and there's no driver I could find to boost up my mood to write.

Don't worry though, you're not the only one I've been abandoned. I've also been abandoning my other writing task, although it's actually urgent and important since it relates with my future. But, yeah, when I'm stucked and clouded with hatred towards the cause of my prolonged task, I became neglectful about the task and all other chores and errands and turned into such a procrastinator. What a quality I have, eh Champ? *sarcastic mode: very OONNN...

However, I still need to finish the task (no matter what) and still have to put my best-est effort to get the best grade I could achieve. Well, starting today, I'm counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds left before another submission. Friends and foes have heard about the detailed story on this prolonged task and I can't bear telling (and even writing) the story here. It's just too much. The bottom line is, I've become a legend (whether it's good or not, it depends on the angle the viewers chose to see), I broke a record and I set the bar high (to some people).

Anyway, life goes on, I gotta continue my life despite what's been happening with me. I dare to say that mostly, I learn through a hard way in every lesson of my life:

learning that earning a degree is not as easy as how others (who are fortunate enough) earn it; HUGE rocks and DEEP holes might come in the way,
learning that it is best not to mix friendship with business or any work-related task just out of feeling bad because I can not help (ASAS TIDAK ENAK HATI),
learning that no matter what I gotta prioritize my own future and be stern about it,
learning that in every work-related task, I should be stern with my limit and turn it into a professional circumstances,
learning that when other expect me to be professional, I should have the courage to ask the same thing from them,
learning that it is best to say no when I know I might not be able to cope with the high expectations, although disappointment from the other party will come afterwards,
learning that I should have a brave heart when others give me a not-so-good treatment,
learning that however perfect I might think my work is, God is involved and He has His own plan that I cannot understand but I should have faith that He has His own reason for whatever outcome and that it will lead into something good in His own time,
learning that He is beyond my comprehension and thus I should fully rely and surrender in Him in whatever I do and never forget to pray and involve Him in my life,
learning that I should be grateful with my journey so far and take all of the lessons as blessings to bring out my best potential

The clock is ticking now and something big is waiting for me. I should scratch procrastination, laziness, being upset, moddy, and whining from my vocabulary and replace all of them with all of the antonym that could be found and reach for my best future. A quantum leap is waiting and I cannot afford losing another chance... So, in summary: deadline, here I come....!!!

*sigh, what a relieve talking to you Champ. Gotta go now, got a tight schedule and please wish me the best of Luck... may God bless me and be with me to guide my steps.

You know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

hungry mode: on, healthy diet mode: on - what an irony

Panic Attack

2009-06-17T19:49:00.001+07:00

Hey Champ...

I have 24 hours to complete my thesis... panic attack now hits me....!!

Gosh... I'm full.. I ate lots of gorengan.. lots of oils and fats.. Gosh...

Panic..panic..panic..

TTYL

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Getting Close... Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!

2009-06-15T01:23:00.003+07:00

Hey Champ,

A quick update from me... Finally my chapter 4 is 50% done. I still have 50% more to go by tomorrow evening. Why is it so hard translating numbers into words? Gosh.. I have the explanation towards the numbers in my brain, but it's becoming numb every time I sit in front of my laptop, resting my fingers on top of the keywords. Arrgghhh...

I'm getting more and more anxious as the dateline is approaching... 3 more days to go!!! Arrrggghhh!!!! Gotta continue drafting my chapter 4...

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

please pray for me and keep giving me support and encouragements..

Anxcious... Worried...

2009-06-12T11:19:00.004+07:00

Hey Champ... waddup?

It's been such a long time since the last time I met you. How's everything? Hope all is good, all is in place.

Many things have been going on since my last job at that secretariat. I tried not to accept any work offer, planning to focus on my final paper (which is due in less than a week from now) in order to really excel and get the best grade I could achieve. However, an offer (or perhaps a favor request) from a long-time-no-see friend (I actually see her as an older sista') to assist her in preparing an off-air event made me fall from what I have decided. She has a power to persuade people.. LoL. I think that's the nature of marketing people.

The only reason I accepted the offer was because she is a good friend of mine, and (I believe you would do this too to your friends, Champ) when a friend is in need and asking help, off course you would help 'em, right? Moreover, we've made some agreement that I would still able to do my final paper and that the work load could be done part-timely and I don't have to be at the office everyday. I really-really accepted the offer not because of the money or any other reward. That's not what I have in mind, although some friends kept telling me to be professional and have everything written on paper. Well, for me, it's not the case when you're helping a friend. I sincerely do it not for money.

Along the way, as a snowball rolling down from the top of a snowy hill, the load becomes bigger and there's always a new task added to my load (a little bit of exaggeration here..). And it all happens as the dateline to submit my thesis is approaching, while I still have a whole 2 chapters to write and I gotta be ready to revise my previously submitted three chapters. I may look reluctant and hesitant when I was given those new tasks, and it's all because I grew worried and anxious that I won't make it this time to submit my thesis, that I would fail again for the second time. Yes, I'm worried, I'm afraid, I feel guilty for not focusing and putting my best effort on my thesis.

Many resources have been spent for this second chance. Many favors have been asked to help me got this second chance. Many opportunities have been trashed only because I haven't been graduated. I owe many people a lot and I don't wanna create another one. Sigh...

Because of this growing anxiety, I always feel bad if I even try to have fun in life. Friends asking me to hang out, watching a movie together, spend weekends together... and I always bail them out (on the exception for my Hepi Gank, since I could still became autistic doing my thesis and on the other hand, the weekend getaway was already planned for a month). Sigh... I would feel this miserable until I finally submit my thesis on June 18th. Although it doesn't mean I'm done there. I still have to prepare my defense: the speech and presentation and get attacked by the examinee. Yeah, I don't allow myself to enjoy life as of this moment.

But, the good thing that I could at least enjoy was a new experience I was given by helping my friend/sista' in that radio station office. I finally able to perform my talking ability as a radio announcer, although my status right now is a guest-host (another office-political situation, LoL). Yeah, at least I can enjoy that task. A task where I could give my best and shout what I have in mind out loud.

Gosh, time flies real fast when you do enjoy whatever you do. And I can't believe it's already this late. Gotta go to continue my paper, Champ. Talk to you another time, ok?

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

104.2 FM, Monday night, 10 PM, Guy's Talk

All in One Day

2009-05-02T00:40:00.005+07:00

Hey Champ... what's up?

I hope you're doing fine, safe and sound as always.

Yesterday (since it's already 12:42 in the morning already) was really an interesting day. Many things happened and I also made some accomplishment and I'm loving my activities that I had yesterday.

Woke up earlier than usual in the morning, I got ready and left to work. On my way to the office, I made a stop at a tax office in order to make NPWP (Nomor Penduduk Wajib Pajak, similar with Social Security Number in the USA). It took me only around fifteen minutes from parking Buddy until I sat back on Buddy. I only had to fill out a form which asked my personal information, wait for the officer to call my name and give me my NPWP card, which looks like a credit card. Yeay! Now I can go abroad without paying fiscal fee, and Sigh... now I have to file SPT (Surat Pajak Tahunan, annual tax report) once every year although I'm only a freelancer. Yep, you wanna get your rights, you gotta do your obligation.

Anyway, off I went to my office, where I mostly revised and revised and revised and revised and revised my questionnaire for my thesis research (since there were nothing much to do at the office other than waiting for Ms. P to come. We're almost done in preparing disbandment report and presentation). I coordinated through phone calls and emails with my thesis supervisor, who is a very kind, warm-hearted and a very supportive lecturer, about changes needs to be made. And, voila.. by the time I left the office, I was ready with my near-to-perfect questionnaire.

During the office hour, I asked for a leave-time for about 30 minutes to complete my passport renewal at an immigration office in Mampang (It took me only 15 minutes to go there riding Transjakarta). There, I met a friend of my colleague who helped the passport-renewal process to become easier and went straight to the photo/interview room. It took me only 15 minutes to finish everything and I didn't have to wait for long. How nice it was to have someone to help me dealing with governmental bureaucracy, especially at the immigration office (I was once performing the process by myself, and it was such a waste of time and energy and resources. It's better to pay someone for his service in taking care of our documents). And, voila, I can take my passport on Tuesday.

When I arrived back at the office, Ms. P decided to release us earlier. It was near 4 PM and I was so very happy that all I could think of was to make arrangement with people and friends in the evening: advancing a meeting that was supposed to be at 7 PM and went to watch WOLVERINE with some good friends of mine.

The meeting I had before watching Wolverine finally made some clearance on some thoughts and expectation which made me able to consider one of my option clearly. On the other hand, the movie was great. It was such a breath of fresh air among the lousy movies in Indonesian cinemas at the moment.

After the movie, I and my friends decided to hang out for a while; where I took the opportunity to ask them to fill out my questionnaires (I call it a market-test, LoL) in order to provide me feedback on things/instructions that confuse them, any ambiguous or questionable aspects, obstacles that tackle them in answering the questions and finding any tricks to make the questionnaire looks more appealing and friendly to the respondent. And voila, I got lots of constructive criticism to (again) make some revision before I finally distribute to 300 respondents. What an accomplishment, right Champ?

Afterward, we went our separate ways, some left to continue watching movies at another cinema, and some left for home. We waved goodbye and went our own ways. When I was already in the parking lot, I realized that my folder which contains my questionnaire and all the key points for revision was left at the restaurant... Off me back to the restaurant and took my belongings which the waiters had kept for me (thanks, guys).

On my way back, I met some other friends from previous work that I did on musical event. This coincidence meeting occured in the basement-level of the building. Then, when I was in the first-level floor, I met one of my colleague from my recently previous work at 5th WIEF. Having met those people, I catched up and updated with them any recent stories and work updates. To me, it was really refreshing and fun to be able to meet them, although it was only for few minutes; but it meant so much to me.

And finally I went home riding my Buddy, realizing that I made some accomplishment in my life for today: questionnaires, job offer clarity, traveling documents, meeting with good friends

Torn apart...

2009-04-29T00:10:00.007+07:00

Hey Champ..

Have you ever been in a situation where you have to make a choice between two great opportunities and yet you can't even decide 'coz you know only weighing the pros and cons while in the end they score the same? Moreover, you are forced to take immediate actions since you have time limit. Nonetheless, you got an advice from a friend who could see things, providing you help in making the decision, yet you still don't know what to decide.

Mr. B (if you can recall from my previous story titled "Pleaded: Guilty") today during a meeting break told me that; in making such decision, I've got to be able to answer his question first "What is your objective in life? What is your dream?" He said that I gotta have to find my own dream and try to make it true before it's too late when I realize that I'm actually not living my dream. Sounds cliche, uh? Not really though. It really hit me really hard. He then shared that he failed to follow his dream to be a fisherman in Japan and that somehow he regretted it. He believed that in his previous life he was a fisherman, which what he should had been continue doing now.

He told me that every person actually already has a dream deep inside himself, only one needs to find it and aim to live it. He pointed at one spot faraway from where we stand at the 27th floor and said that, "you may want to reach that spot right there, but, you gotta decide which way you wanna go, 'coz as you can see from down below, there are so many ways you can take which in the end lead to that very spot."

Yes, I haven't been able to answer his very first two question up until now. In my resume, I always write that my objective is to contribute to the company as much as I can and gain experiences as many as I can for my future. But I believe it's no longer valid for my situation: a person who almost graduate from his university and start building his future. Yes, how do I wanna see in myself in 5-10 years from now? What is my ultimate dream? What do I wanna do in reaching that dream? I can't only work here and there every once in a while.. I gotta start to think wisely and step on a stable surface for my better future...

Meanwhile, I'm still facing my daily-simple-troubles-but-when-you-pile-it-up-it's-gonna-explode-your-head-as-if-you're-having-one-huge,serious-problem. Yes.. to start with, my current freelance work is being prolonged for two weeks. For this, I gotta handle job desc. from my two other colleagues since my boz could only afford prolonging one person and the only person available is me. I'm not saying I don't want it, I just wish I get a better compensation other than only being paid (hahaha.. greedy me.. can I be blamed for that? I don't think so. It's my prerogative. No? LoL).

Furthermore, I need to prepare documents to make a new passport since I'm having a trip outside Indonesia in one week and my deadline to extend my passport would be today. I didn't realize my passport is going to expired in one month. Gosh... who would pay attention to passport's expiry date when you don't travel abroad that often? Gosh... I'm so thankful to my colleague's network that she's able to find someone in the business who could help me renew my passport without much hassle.

One more thing, I gotta clear all my belongings from my wardrobe/closet/drawer/cabinet since the carpenters are going to knock it down and turn it into a new wardrobe and bed frame. The pressure is, by the time I leave the house in the morning, it has to be empty. Sigh.. if only I was given this information few days ago or at least early this week instead of at 10.30 PM this night, I won't be so bad tempered in handling the task.

I was soooooooo much troubled and tired with all my problems that I grew unhappy. When I'm unhappy, I eat alot. I ate more than usual this night. A piece of chicken thigh, 2 small pieces of boiled chicken breast fillet, a piece of small fish, with a small bowl of traditional chilli sauce. To topped it off, since I'm still stressed and unhappy, I ate a place of rice (can u imagine? eating rice at 11 PM?) with soy sauce and looooootttsssssss of fried onions.... (hhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhh.... here, smell my breath... hahaha).

Sigh... very tired.. indeed, I am...

Gotta go now, Champ

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

ps. junior consultant or business development? which one?

Another Leap

2009-04-26T14:00:00.003+07:00

Champ...

I thought I wanna drop by quickly only to tell you that I'm now preparing myself and getting ready for something important. I'm not expecting too high nor badly.. I only wish this could be my true calling for my future... at least a steady one.

Gotta go now Champ.

You know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Pleaded: Guilty

2009-04-18T14:57:00.005+07:00

Champ .. you know what?

When I just arrived at the meeting place, my boz (Ms. P) called and said that she'll be running late 'coz she gotta do an EXTRA work on the report presentation, which apparently caused by me...

Yesterday I tried to make the presentation looked a lot better and more sophisticated by applying some features from 2007's ppt. Turned out my boz wanted to keep the original format for some reason... And thus... BAAANNNGGG!!!! I ended up feeling guilty for creating a hassle for my boz.... guilty...guilty...guilty...

Anyway... this work really turns my eating habit into a worse one. Before I left home I already ate tahu bacem and pecel and some beef dish my mom made. At the meeting place, since the office is adjacent to Omah Sendok Restaurant, my boz (Ms. P) and the office owner (Mr. B) can easily order food, drinks, snacks anytime they want.

Since it was very hot after riding Buddy, I ordered Es Dawet Ayu without coconut milk in it (trying to be healthy, yeaayy...) while waiting for Ms. P to arrive. When she finally arrived and order SOME foods and SOME beverages (to conquer her appetite and thirst), I ordered another beverage to quench my thirst... this time I ordered Es Cincau Hijau, which I-forgot-to-request-not-to-put-any-coconut -milk-but-I-still-finished-it-anyway. Since I felt a bit hungry I ordered Gado-gado (Hey... don't judge me there, Champ... I'll be working until late at night today and it's better for me to avoid dinner, no? *hihihi).

Ms. P always has a thing for Diet Coke. She says she needs the caffeine from it. Thus, when Mr.B's office boy came back bringing 4 cans of Coca Cola Zero, she didn't like it coz there's no caffeine in it (according to Ms. P). Mr.B finally told his office boy to go further and get some real Diet Coke while also buying Ketoprak Ciragil as well (gosh, they really have a THING and SPACE for food... hahaha). Since I don't really like Ketoprak Ciragil due to its' small portion and unfavorable taste to my taste bud, I didn't order the meal although I LOOOOOVVVVEEEEEE ketoprak very much.

In the end there were some cans of Coca Cola Zero left abandoned in front of me and I finally surrender to my desire to drink it... Yeah.. I'm pleaded guilty, Champ (for not working as well while Ms.P is actually sitting in front of me... hahaha). But, it's been such a long, long, a very long time I haven't lay my hands and tounge on sodas though.. A can won't hurt me, no? *hihihi... trying to get some justification.

Sigh... gotta go back to work now... translating, translating, writing, writing and sit around listening to my iTunes (Champ, Ms. P commented something when a specific song was selected... I will discuss this on our next session, ok?)

Meanwhile, take care...

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Working on Saturday... what the...

2009-04-18T12:29:00.004+07:00

Hey Champ... it's me again...

It's hot out there
It's humid in my house
It's almost 1 PM
It's Saturday
and I have to work with my boz

Ga lee... what a way to spend my weekend. This week has been tough for me. I got a "D" attack for three days which made me unable to work out and when the "D" attack subdued, I was very much occupied at work until around 8, which by the time I got off the office building, I was so exhausted already that I couldn't even think to go to the gym.

Yeah... and last night after I and my the rest of the team worked until 10 PM, my boz asked me who could accompany to edit the so-called-presentation-we-are-preparing-for-mr.president on this very Saturday, on the-supposed-to-be-my-weekend-to-lazy-around, I couldn't refuse at all since my colleague has to attend graduation ceremony today while the other has to pay respect at a friend's funeral (the pilot of the recently crashed-airplane in Papua). That left me with no other option than obliged to the request of my superior...

I'm not complaining though, Champ... I'm just saying that I should've been able to enjoy my weekend to go working out, hanging out, and lazy-ing around at home while finding some time to clean and tidy up my room... Oh well.. gotta go now.. it's nearly 1... Ciao now...

you know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Another Update

2009-04-15T23:28:00.003+07:00

Hey Champ...

What's up?

I don't know why but I've lost my motivation to write lately.. not only here, but also every kind of writing... I just don't get the feeling, of what to write or how to elaborate my thoughts.. Ideas are now only kept in my mind... Sigh.. perhaps it's because I'm too occupied with many things in life now...

Not only I've been continuously working since February until now; as a freelancer being a project assistant in an Event Organizer (the latest one was for the 5th World Islamic Economic Forum, where I and some lovely friends helped find and organize 150 volunteers for the event) or as a contract-based, temporary worker for the 5th WIEF secretariat (for the purpose of committee disbandment) and as an intern for a specific project (the development of Mr. Tanri Abeng's personal website); but also I have other activities such as working out (thanks to my friend "H" who made me have the privilege) and hanging out with friends, especially jumping-jumping in a club (RESPONSIBLY).. haha...

Yeah.. lately, I've been very much occupied I barely have a time to turn my new room more homier. I barely have a time to walk Rusty. I barely have a time to bring buddy to a bikewash. I barely have a time to help do chores at home. I barely have a time to watch DVDs. I barely have a time to cleanup my laptop. I don't have time to follow the latest American Idol. I barely have time to watch TV. But, I have lots of time to work out, work hard and play hard.. haha.. I guess it's a phase I'm gonna get through soon enough...

I'm thinking for a getaway next month though, since I got a free roundtrip ticket as a bonus from my current work. I'm thinking beach, sands, sea, sun, snorkelling (since I'm not able yet to dive), seafood, "mushroom" (hihihi)... but I haven't got any idea whom I can go with since I don't think I can stand travelling alone by myself...

Sigh.. anyway...

Gotta off to the dream land Champ... Gotta wake up early tomorrow to work out a little bit before attend a meeting and start working until late at night. Talk to you next time, k?

You know I love you,

xoxo,

Cho

Random

2009-03-22T00:09:00.002+07:00

Hey Champ...

It's been a while since the last time I wrote here...
Many things have been going on and I'm totally undecided on where to start...

Anyway...

I'm moving on... I'm no longer in any denial stage... I've come to accept who I am... and I realize I've become stronger now (in terms of emotion)... The bottom line is: I'm growing.... (not physically)...

Yeah.. challenges are waiting in front of me now, it's now my decision on whether to take the risk or stay in the safe, comfort zone. All I know, I want to live my dreams and not living a safe side. I wanna explore back my hobbies and interest, though parents doesn't really support my interest in photography and singing.... but at least, I wanna explore my ability to the max 'coz I believe it would bring me goodness... =)

Meanwhile.... I need to focus on finishing my duty and obligation: Thesis... *Sigh...

The Finish Line

2009-02-16T08:30:00.004+07:00

The time is almost here
the clock is ticking
not backward

I have to finish
what I have started

The line is near
yet I'm far away

I'm sad

A Change... To Wait For or To Make?

2009-02-01T10:37:00.004+07:00

People keep talking about a change in life... Some says they're waiting... Some says they're making... Some says they're blank and I'm one of those blanky mind. I feel stuck right now and I realize that I need a change to make life becomes more interesting, more challenging, more fun, and more worthy.

Fortunately, I still have friends, oh yes Thank God I do... ranging from the best until acquaintance... (I've put all those hypocrites back-stabbers behind). Friends who always there when I need them, even without me asking, Friends who listen when I need to talk, who call when they feel I'm not in a good situation, who talk for hours while I'm listening to help me get some distraction, who gives me advice and solution when they know I'm in trouble. The crowd is there, but I often feel empty and alone, if not lonely.

That empty and alone sense have turned me, since I-don't-know-when, into an unmotivated person, which portrayed as being lazy to most people and that I often procrastinating, even on my very important task: final paper a.k.a thesis (skripsi). Sigh... Yap.. I'm that tired... that bored with my current life...

I always thought that maybe... MAYBE... if I have someone special, someone who I could share my life with, someone who wants to work things out instead of complaining, nagging, b**ching, or playing around; I would be happier, I would be better motivated to take actions in my life... But, that wishful thinking has never been fulfilled up 'til now... and I'm an inch away from giving up in hoping and expecting. I grew tired already to chase, to make moves and to found out in the end that it didn't mean a thing for the chasee.

Sigh... I will definitely dragging myself to work on my final paper starting tomorrow... becoming an autistic with my books, journals, laptop, questionnaires and SPSS.. really need to buy stocks of Carribean Nut Latte or perhaps I should rent a space to live at Starbucks... since they have better latte than the one I mentioned just now...

To that someone special, I can only wait now.. as I mentioned in my previous post.. I'm not going anywhere.. just here, waiting for you.. and I do hope you take easy way to get here, not the complicated, full with turns or roundabouts.... but, yeah.. I'm not complaining.. as long as you're here... I'll be waiting...

Clarity

2009-01-01T20:17:00.007+07:00

I climbed through the mountains
The steep valleys, the rocky hills
Only to find it's not there

I walked through the forests
The lush trees, the misty air
Only to find it's not there

I walked through the deserts
The whispering sands, the stinging heat
And it's still not there

I swam through the rivers
The cold water, the wide passage
Again, it's still not there

I dove into the oceans
The deep blue sea, the enigmatic silence
And again ... (sigh) ...
It's still not there

Fought myself not to drawn, I rose
Forced myself not to collapse, I walked

Empty and longing, I breathed
Torn and shattered, I discerned

I pause ...

I surrender
I let it catch me in peace, eternally

"My Love,
here I wait
Fly me up,
to be with thee"

(I Think) I have been so good this year...

2008-12-18T22:04:00.010+07:00

"My Only Wish This Year"

Last night I took a walk in the snow
Couples holding hands, places to go
Seems like everyone but me is in love
Santa can you hear me

I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss
I sent it off, it just said this
I know exactly what I want this year.
Santa can you hear me.

I want my baby
I want someone to love me,
someone to hold me.
Maybe, maybe;
She'll be all my own
in a big red bow

Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near

She's all I want, just for me
underneath my Christmas tree
I'll be waiting here.
Santa that's my only wish this year.

Christmas Eve I just can't sleep
Would I be wrong for taking a peek?
'Cause I heard that you're coming to town
Santa can you hear me?

I really hope that you're on your way
With something special for me in your sleigh
Oh please make my wish come true
Santa can you hear me

Santa can you hear me
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near

I hope my letter reaches you in time
Bring me love can call all mine
'Cause I have been so good, so good this year.
Can't be alone under the mistletoe
She's all want and a big red bow

Santa can you hear me
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near

Santa thats my only wish this year.

My Only Wish by Britney Spears

...

2008-12-15T18:10:00.002+07:00

Being speechless...

Many things in my mind
I just can't find the words

Speechless...

It's time to let the music & lyrics speaks
...
..
.

The Peak

2008-11-30T19:42:00.003+07:00

I'm at a point in my life where I finally need to think really hard about my future and make decisions upon many things. The hardest part was in making the decisions, especially when there are options available.

Let alone the fact that human can't predict the future, yet one should realize that any decision made in the present time will generate butterfly effects in the future. Moreover, human should consider not only himself in making the decision, but also many people that could be affected by the decision made.

Sigh.. life's not hard. What's hard was finding the best decision for your life. You want to find happiness in life but reality clashed. You seek for what's best for your heart, and again reality strikes. I think I can no longer find happiness if I have to consider lots of things...

I'm tired... very tired...

...

..

.

Reposting: untitled

2008-11-25T09:15:00.001+07:00

Ada sebuah rumput di teras rumahku
Hijau dengan pucuk cokelat sebesar bulir beras
Selalu menguning pada satu masa
Menghijau pada masa yang lain
Namun tidak pernah layu

Begitukah rasa sayang dan cinta?
Menguning ketika tidak ada yang bisa dicintai
Menghijau ketika rasa itu tumbuh pada seseorang yang hadir
Dan kembali menguning ketika seseorang itu pergi menjauh
Meski rasa itu tidak pernah lekang sepanjang masa

Kupalingkan pandangku pada langit malam
Berawan dan merah tanpa kehadiran sang bintang
Sesendu perasaan hati yang galau dan gundah
Sambil kuhembuskan asap
Dari batang yang membara

...

(previously posted on 11/2/08 @ 11.30 PM)

Back: I'm home...

2008-11-24T12:24:00.009+07:00

I just had Indomie Kari Ayam Medan with boiled duck egg for my lunch while watching TV when I realized that I am here... yeah... I am still HERE... (where have I been actually? I myself am not sure... I think I was lost somewhere in the middle of my dream...)

So, Here I am, back to my origin state after such a wonderful ride on a roller coaster. Now I guess it's really time to go back on my duties and to think about my future. The clock is ticking and I should focus on things that would appreciate me and bring me goodness.

My thesis, my business, my college... here I come. Don't you guys miss me already? I don't... LoL... (making extra effort to start writing my thesis again).

ps. I think I'm gonna make these indulgence for my January treat. Wanna try? Seduce me to be on my guest list.. LoL

cheesy sausage noodle-pizza

banana milkshake & peanut butter cookie sandwich

A Metamorphosis of Love

2008-11-22T08:46:00.010+07:00

Often times I hear stories from my friends' experiences, I watch stories portrayed from movies and then I read stories from many books. Some of the stories ends happily (whether it's ever after or not, that's another issue) while most of them ends unhappily. Together with my own experiences, if I may, I would like to conclude my view on mankind's never ending issue of all time: Love.

The journey of Love is like a metamorphosis of A Butterfly

Sekecil telur kupu-kupu ia hadir di dalam hati
Nyaman di dalam naungan kelembutan
Sampai ia menetas dan tumbuh

Merayap, mengenyam cinta dan kasih
Dari hati yang digerogoti dengan pasti
Hingga kenyang, tiada bersisa

Dalam puas ia diam
Stagnan di tengah hening
Memintal kabut, membalut diri
Menutup diri, merenung
Menyembuhkan luka

Ia pahami peran hidupnya
Ketika hati sudah tidak lagi mencinta
Ketika rasa itu sudah tidak lagi dapat diberi
Ketika hasrat itu sudah tidak lagi dapat diterima
Ia harus dapat berangkat dan pergi
Lepas dari kungkungan perasaan yang mendalam
Melepaskan diri dan mencintai dari kejauhan

Dalam ketidaksadaran ia menjelma
Menjadi sosok yang indah
Siap menebarkan cerita
Berbagi kasih kepada dunia

Cinta itu tidak hilang
Rasa itu tidak mereda
Hanya, Ia be(r)evolusi

The Death & The Hope

2008-11-16T20:31:00.003+07:00

The Death came by to risen a new Hope...

As they do, I'm attacked by diarrhea
(again, for the next time in my life that I remember)

Sigh... I hate this part,
the D* part...

Now I know...

2008-11-13T14:07:00.004+07:00

I think I'm waaaayyy over with my melodramatic mood. I think I know why I acted that way and now I'm learning how to cope with it, how to deal with it with many helps my beloved people showed me, though perhaps they don't realize how they did it. I just feel lucky to be where I am at the moment.

I feel lucky to have people who loves me
I feel lucky to have people whom I can care about
I feel lucky to have people whom I can love
I feel lucky with the wonderful ride of my life

When I feel lucky, I feel happy
When I feel happy, all I can think of is people I care the most;
Wanting to share my happiness with them,
wanting them to feel what I feel
Though I realize I can't want them to be by my side all the time

Yeah, I think that's the essence of loving. When you love something or someone, you can't turn what you love into your possession 'coz nothing and no one wants to be possessed. Instead, you should be able to let them be free and be what they want to be, especially if they're living creatures.

Yeah, I'm so lucky...
God, please let this feeling stays
Love you...

"Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

...

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning 'round
You hold me right here right now"

(lyrics: Lucky by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat)

I should fully Surrender... shouldn't I?

2008-11-11T14:07:00.008+07:00

I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what's happening and what's about to happen next. Life has finally show its mystery on me and I'm a victim who can't predict nor control my next step anymore.

I thought I already knew myself inside out, yet I suddenly lose my grip. I don't know why this is happening. I've forgotten many things in making friends or creating a relationships. I no longer has the ability nor any knowledge to let things happen as it is.

I think I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.... I think I'll just surrender to everything and see where everything goes from now on.... So help me God, this I pray...

"There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire is burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the way
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you

'Cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

I know I can't survive
Another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I'll live again with love
And no they can't take that away from me
And they will see...

...

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
Can't you hear my call
I surrender all

...

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

Right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you"

(I Surrender, performed by Celine Dion)

Kisah Cintaku

2008-11-09T14:33:00.005+07:00

Di malam yang sesunyi ini
Aku sendiri,Tiada yang menemani
Akhirnya kini kusadari
Dia telah pergi, Tinggalkan diriku

Adakah semua kan terulang
Kisah cintaku yang seperti dulu

Hanya dirimu yang kucinta dan kukenang
Di dalam hatiku, Takkan pernah hilang
Bayangan dirimu untuk selamanya

Mengapa terjadi Kepada dirimu
Aku tak percaya kau telah tiada
Haruskah ku pergi tinggalkan dunia
Agar aku dapat berjumpa denganmu

Previously Performed by Chrisye and now Peter Pan

Contentment; A Peaceful, Soothing sense to my Heart

2008-11-07T07:35:00.010+07:00

"So suddenly, so strange
Life wakes you up, things change
I've done my best, I've served my call
I thought I had it all

So suddenly, so strong
My prejudice was gone
You needed me, I found my place
I'm different now, these days..."

... ... ...

These past few days I've been containing myself with mood and emotions. I got too carried away with my hopes and desire that I became someone I didn't recognize myself... Doing things I don't normally do, Acting weird looking melodramatic all over, Forgetting how to behave, Losing my senses to interact and Pushing things out of the force...

I suddenly realized all these after some funny, weird feeling I experienced. Perhaps it is true when people says that emotions can drive you upside down. Now I want everything to happen naturally without me preparing any effort to push things according to my wants. I just want to let it be and let it flow smoothly as the breeze carries waves to the shores. I want everything to be natural, according to God's will. Yeah.... No longer I live in my imagination nor my wishful thinking...

... ... ...

"...You trusted me to grow
I gave my heart to show
There's nothing else I cherish more
I stand by you for sure

Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You made me who I am

So suddenly, it's clear to me
Things change
Our future lies in here and now
We made it through somehow..."

(lyrics: The Greatest Reward by Celine Dion)

Please... don't stop the music... For Just a While

2008-11-05T15:12:00.009+07:00

"...Please don't stop the music
Please don't stop the music
Please don't stop the music
Please don't stop the music..."

For just a while
I need some moment
To escape from this world
...

"... I wanna take you away
Lets escape into the music
DJ let it play..."

Forgetting pressures
Neglecting judgments
Escaping reality
...

"... I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rockin' to it..."

Cherishing life
To be what I want
For just a while
...

"... Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music..."

Yeah, DJ....
please don't stop the music...

Someone's Waiting For You

2008-11-02T15:25:00.005+07:00

A song I suddenly remember for my suddenly melodramatic mood...
A song from Disney's The Rescuers

"Be brave little one.
Make a wish for each sad little tear.
Hold your head up though no one is near
Someone's waiting for you.

Don't cry little one.
There'll be a smile where a frown use to be
You'll be part of the love that you see.
Someone's waiting for you.

Always keep a little prayer in your pocket
and you're sure to see the light.
Soon there'll be joy and happiness
and your little world will be bright

Have faith little one
'Til your hopes and your wishes come true.
You must try to be brave little one.
Someone's waiting to love you"

A nEw Era, A New Chapter

2008-09-17T13:49:00.002+07:00

This is a very new chapter in my life...
Adding someone special as a part of it...

I do hope things will work out
As I learn many things from the relationship

...

Thank You God

Status: Away

2008-09-08T19:18:00.003+07:00

I don't know... But,

Song "I Surrender" really portrays my emotion at the moment... It has a vibe towards my heart feeling right now.

I wanna be off for a little while from this life....

Sigh... Away I go.

An Unexpected Turnover

2008-09-03T15:41:00.004+07:00

When your hope is high
And something happened
And your hope is spoiled,
You'll be hurt.

I've been expecting for my second internship so bad that I really postponed everything and prepare myself for that. In the end, the HR Department told the user that in order to maintain fairness among applicants and provide a wide chance for others, an intern may not be hired twice although he/she may extend their internship period. Moreover, while prolonging the period, he/she may not switch to other department.

To make thing even worse; when my going-to-be manager explained this to me, I was already working there half day. I could say nothing. The rules is there and nothing I could do about it. I can only say "okay" and "that's fine"

After digesting the whole words I heard, sitting in front of my friend whom-I-supposed-to-replace, I felt something.... It was like my heart went down to the very bottom of the earth the gravity could suck. Yeah... felt terrible... sad... down... disappointed. I didn't know, or perhaps I've forgotten, that disappointment felt that bad.

Yeah, that feeling affects the rest of my day, up until now... One thing I learn from this, I should never fully rely on human, never put my hopes too high, and never expect too much.

It hurts...
Oh yeah, it does...
Even more when you're already so close and still so far.

Thursday, August 21st 2008

2008-08-25T16:55:00.003+07:00

Yeah..
Thursday...
August 21st 2008...

One of the best day in my life..
The day I will never forget in my life...

There are too many to mention
Too many to be kept as secrets
Yet I wanna shout it out loud to the world

Let the walls be the silent witness

The Closure

2008-08-19T18:56:00.005+07:00

Most times in our life, we are faced with issues. Some are good, some aren't. Normally, dealing with the good ones will probably results in happiness or other positive outcomes. On the other hand, dealing with the bad one will need extra effort either to solve it or leave it and move on.

On some rare occasion, there are issues which bring happiness and sadness together... for example issues regarding L-O-V-E. It could create happiness and bring someone to the 7th Heaven or Clouds#9; a funny feeling as if a butterfly spreads its wings inside your stomach.

On the other side, when the love didn't get a return, it will bring some sadness and disappointment where one should handle it carefully not to create further emotional breakdown. Facing rejection, one may grieve for a moment and move on while others may plan for another strategy to get the heart. At least, that person still hope for a chance...

The later was my experience with someone. I've been dealing with it for quite some time that I realize it's not gonna be healthy for me to hope for things I may not get. I realize I should not put my hope and expectation too high, thus I decided to get a closure.

Thank God I did that. Thank God I seek for a closure. I gain peace (after a little hurt) and am able to move on to my next chapter. I learned that closure is one important thing to seek.

"Thank you for giving me an answer. Thank you for taking care of my heart. Thank you for being you. I am glad to have you in my life. I will always care about you.... as your best friend."

Intermezzo # 3

2008-08-19T18:54:00.002+07:00

Ketika malam tiba

Hati pun gundah di dalam sepi

Kerlipan bintang di balik awan

Menemani hati yang merindu

Kekasih, engkaukah di sana?

Menjaga rasa ini... hasrat ini...

(late at night, August 6th 2008)

click image to locate the source

Intermezzo # 2

2008-08-07T10:47:00.006+07:00

Apa daya hati yang sedang bergelora

Ketika dihadapkan dengan kenyataan

Penantian yang membuat nelangsa

Menjadi satu-satunya jawaban atas kegundahannya

(late at night, June 6th 2008)

Intermezzo # 1

2008-08-07T10:28:00.011+07:00

click image to locate the source

Give me a hug and kiss me good night

Caress me with your sweet and tender loving care

Hold me in your arms and promise me

You'll stay by my side when the sun greets the dews

But don't wake me up 'coz

I don't want time do us part

(late at night, May 28th 2008)

Part One: Road Trip to Java - Surabaya

2008-08-05T12:15:00.007+07:00

Few weeks ago, when I was granted a permission to take some days-off from the office, I went to visit my sister who now runs a business in Surabaya (in Gedangan, Sidoardjo to be exact).

While getting to know her business, I also had a chance to explore a little bit of Surabaya as well. We (my sister, me and my brotha) went to Tunjungan Plaza, known as the biggest mall in Surabaya, and some other places such as Pakuwon Mall, Sports Club, ACE Hardware and Hypermart (gya..ha..ha..ha. LoL).

We did not visit any tourism attraction since my siblings were not really interested to explore them. Only, we accidentally passed Jembatan Merah (red bridge) district, without the ability to see the bridge since we were in a car and had no intention to park and walk down... (sigh.... poor me....)

While my siblings were interested to taste the famous Soto Ambengan Pak Sadi (established since my father lived there before settling down) or Savory Donuts Lines (BBQing, Mushi-Mushi, Chicken Ragout) from Ring Master; I was the only one who had the courage to try the authentic Rujak Cingur, a traditional dish from Surabaya which mixes cow's mucus membranes (snout) with fruits and vegetables garnished with dressings made out of petis (dried shrimp) and other ingredients such as nuts, chili, Javanese sugar, etc.

In Javanese language, cingur = snout.

I've been longing to taste the dish ever since I heard it from a friend in 2004. Although I wasn't able to find the famous rujak cingur from Delta (a restaurant), I liked it and willing to eat it again whenever I return to Surabaya.

Pretty much, that was my experience spending 2 nights in Surabaya. Not really fun, eh? The day after that, we went on a road trip to Jogjakarta.... Now that's when the fun started to begin....

(to be continued)

the famous dish from Surabaya, Rujak Cingur
(image was taken from here)

Soto Ayam Ambengan Pak Sadi
(Mr.Sadi's Ambengan Chicken Soup)
(image was taken from here)

I just remember that while I was in Surabaya I also became a handyman, helping my sister built a TV deck and cabinet for her clothings... a bit time-consuming.. that's why we didn't really explore Surabaya... hahaha (LoL)

My Peaceful Day

2008-07-05T14:36:00.006+07:00

To be honest, this is the first time I really enjoy my time spent at home, resting in a quiet and peaceful environment... My parents went shopping, my sister went out vacationing, my brother went out with friends... and It's all me (with a maid), myself and I...

Finally I can really appreciate free times at home after being coped with (quite easy) office tasks on my intern for a month and a half. Thank God I insisted for a 2-months term only (although I'm still figuring out what am I gonna do for the rest of another free month before semester begins).

I begin to get used to office-workers/commuter lifestyle. During the weekdays: Wake up in the morning, get ready, go to work, work hardly (or at least try hardly to work... hihi... we are the party animals... =D), deal with people at work (either with the bitchy or the nice, warm and friendly one), lunch with colleagues (inside or outside office), get back to work after lunch, continue to work (hardly), hit the gym (or shower only.. haha), sign-out and continue my activities at night (if any, such as choir) and finally go home to get some sleep and rest. During the weekends: Life is all about me, my family and my friends.

The most important thing is that I am able to share my life... life at home, life at work, life with family, life with friends and, off course, personal life... with someone else who cares about me although we are parted by distance. Wish we could see each other more often... Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star, I wish upon tonight to see you smile... If only for a while, to know you're there.. A breath away's not far to where you are... Sigh... Mellow me... (it's the song from which I became hypnotized with the singer's voice ever since I hear it the first time on TV. Now, it's even more memorable 'coz of someone...)

Yet, I still have a report from work to finish before Monday and another report for competition with some campus friends to be done by at least Monday (if i'm not mistaken... tell me guys) and to add it up, another report for Student Committee that has been waiting to be finished since a long, long, long... yes, long... long, very loooooonnggg time ago...

Sigh.. how could I enjoy today and tomorrow? Well... We'll see if Procrastinate me will show up or hide behind the Dilligent me. Oh.. and one thing to make the datelines even stricter ... I'm leaving for a one-week vacation on this coming Monday night... and planning not to bring any works with me. Thank to my boss who let me go for a 4-days off vacation and pay those days off back by extending my days at work without extending the intern contract term.

My oh my.... How can I not thank Lord Jesus for this life He gives me...

Constipation

2008-07-01T11:43:00.002+07:00

Have you ever been in a situation where your food intake is normal but the metabolism process is stucked yet you keep consuming the food in order to survive this life? Sigh...

I'm in that situation right now. I already ate lots of vegetables, fruits, soups and many other kind of food that should help my problem. Turned out, it doesn't help. Till now.

I guess it's all about my "fever." Yep... we call it panas dalam in here, Indonesia. I already drink lots of fluid, especially water, but it doesn't give any effects. I hate it when my metabolism process is not going well

Sigh....

A Funny Feeling

2008-06-23T15:59:00.006+07:00

I just had my last final exam. Practically, today is my last day of the semester on campus, which means my inter-term break has been officially started from now on until September 2008.

When I left campus an hour ago, there was this funny feeling of longing and loss came altogether while I was riding my bike home. Perhaps the fact that I'm not gonna see campus, its people and environment for the next two months was the effect. Then, I realized that my final moment is coming. I'll be graduated after next semester and I will start a new after-campus-phase-kind-of life.

That means no chit-chat in class while lecture on progress, no crazy games beyond imagination with classmates, no skipping classes or stealing early breaks, no walking around campus selling sandwiches, no event organizing through club activities, no last minute studies before exams, no last minute analysis and research on projects, no more lying-to-parents-about-staying-over-at friend's-to-do-a-project while actually having-a-responsible-fun-with-them-in-a-hotel-room,
no more flirting with juniors, and the most important: no more chance to change behavior in order to be a "straight A" stud.

Sigh... To top it off, the "Everyday I Love You" song came to my ear (It has been my habit to listen to my ipod nano while riding a bike since I hate the busy sound of streets). That song provide a more inevitable mellow effect on me. Not to mention that I just recently talked to someone important in my heart before I went home. "Hey there, too bad timing did not support us. Perhaps, when timing is right, I'll be there again for you. Just keep in mind that Everyday I Love You..."

You'll Never Walk Alone.... Count your blessings one by one

2008-05-26T18:43:00.004+07:00

God has been good to me

Yes, indeed, He has been good to me all this time. Deep inside my heart, I always know it for sure, but I keep taking everything for granted and did not put a lot of thought to it until my good friend mentioned it to me, commenting that my life at the current situation has finally becoming better and that good things has been happening in my life lately.

I was once in the lowest point I've ever felt in my life. Thank God, I still have family, best friend and few friends who did not turn their back, believing in me and supporting me to climb up the stairs, encouraging me to see the beauty of life by being able to survive.

After all those hard times, now I can stand at the point where I'm able to see life at a new perspective and hope. I still have families and that is one blessing I should really appreciate and be thankful of. I still have a best friend who always stand by my side no matter what people say, no matter what the price was for my friend. I still have someone who is willing to be a mentor and make friendship with me, from whom I learned many things and to be blunt a bit. I gained new friends who can at least see things with an objective view. All these took some hard time, a really-really hard and hurting one, which was worth the outcome and the pain.

The journey, from which I was able to overcome, has turned me back into one with positive attitude, a person with hope and some experience towards people's bad behavior. With that in mind and heart, I was able to look for opportunities and chances which lie ahead for my future sake.

I just recently got accepted as an intern in a company which has been declaring its legacy in Indonesia for 75 years (thank God). Although I was expecting to be placed in a marketing-strategy related division, I did not complaint when I was assigned into their CSR Department, assisting the Public Health & Education Program Manager, since experience and networking was all I wanted for now.

The company was one of a company who cares about its employees and pampers them by providing facilities beyond expectation and I was very lucky to have the privilege in using them: meals which can be traded with consumer goods, lenient but responsible working hour, flexible working days since I still have classes on campus, wide selection of newspapers on every single floor, pantry with its goodies and most importantly: fitness center and sauna. Yeay!!!

For the record, I've been holding myself not to enroll in any fitness center, although the temptation was very huge, by telling myself "It's not yet the time." In the end, God has made my wish came through. I can now exercise in a fitness center without paying a single penny. My Lord Jesus really answers His people wish although they did not ask for it. Not to mention the 16 GB iphone I got from an uncle few days ago. God knows I've been holding myself for quite some time not to buy a new cell phone but instead always using old ones I got from my sister. Yet, He knows I've been considering and hoping for an iphone ever since it was launched in the States (I was there...).

What my friend mentioned about progress that happens in my life just made me believe that I'll never walk alone and that there's a golden sky at the end of a storm. Indeed, now I believe that there's always a rainbow after a rain (although I barely see one in Jakarta).

Back to Healthy Lifestyle

2008-05-21T08:14:00.003+07:00

Since I got back from Puncak last weekend, I have finally decided to change my lifestyle towards a healthy one. This time I do plan to maintain it consistently: eating responsibly, work-out regularly, enough sleep by 11 P.M at the latest and thinking positively.

This is my 3rd day of implementing responsible eating consumption by having a light meal for breakfast, high-fiber, high-protein, low-carb lunch, and light meal on dinner with no nibbling throughout the day. By looking at my body, people would not believe when I say I always eat with a small portion. What they don't know is that I love to nibble, especially on chips, nuts and meatballs (haha...). Now, I really forbid myself from any kind of unhealthy snacks. Sigh... a lot to give up, eh?

Things that I still need to work on to fully enhance my healthy lifestyle will be: stop inhaling *****, find supportive circle of friends with positive influence, and learn to neglect negative circumstances. This way, I believe I will find better and peaceful life, thus I could optimize and maximize my potential...

Yeah: better future, I'm comiiiiiiiiinnngggg.......

... ... Untitled ... ...

2008-05-08T07:57:00.002+07:00

My Buddy needs some attention. Its lamp signs are not working properly, its auto starter does not work anymore, its oil needs to be changed, its back tire has worn out, its brakes has also worn out. I realize I've been neglecting to maintain the performance of my loyal bike. Previously I always bring him to a regular service every 1000 km. Lately, I've been postponing my visit to the auto center. I believe this next visit will cost me a lot due to the summed problems.

Just like my buddy, I've been neglecting to maintain my body for some months already, ever since my return to the city. I don't care anymore to limit my food intake, I don't pay a visit to clean my face and pamper my sore body anymore, I don't exercise anymore: no jogging, no push-up, no back-up, no sit-up, no skipping and no more gym for me at the moment. When I'm in no rush, I wake up when the sun is high in the sky; which makes me sleep very late at night although I don't do anything meaningful: browsing the net, racing my fluff on facebook, view friend's fb profile, reading articles, watching American tv series on DVDs, texting, listening to ipod before closing my eyes on bed.

I think I let my soul develops some stress since I have no meaningful activities. I stopped my choir activities, I discontinued my sandwich production, I don't involve on any committee or organizations. In one word, I stop being productive. All I do is eating, sleeping, watching dvds and listen to music.

What about my study? I always maintain to come to class on time and perform my duties on exam and assignments by preparing 'em at the very last minute. Thank God I can still maintain my GPA performance, although I'm sure it could be a lot better.

Sigh... motivation, where art thou?

Learning from the Card

2008-04-14T17:21:00.005+07:00

I was actually very stunned after my friend told me what the cards read about my soul situation. I couldn't believe the card was somewhat accurate.

I remember most what the second card said (according to my friend), "Your task now is to love yourself and gather your self-esteem back in order to forgive and forget things from the past that hurt you in present situation."

For three years I've been sincerely begging for forgiveness and seeking for reconciliation. For three years I've let myself been hurt. For three years I've been hoping that a good relationship can be maintained. For three years I've tried to gain back trust. Yet the outcome was still harsh and irreligious from people who seemed to be religious.

I had been hoping for a reconciliation and a good relationship (although it didn't have to be as good as before) until I really realized that my gesture did not get any warm reply. I hoped too high, perhaps. I have decided not to put anymore effort in turning everything back. Reality hits me: it's beyond my control.

On the day before my friend read me his cards, I have decided to let everything to just happened and be as what it is. I said to myself: no more!! I don't want to be such a stupid person who lets past shadows my future. Everything is put and I will let it be. That's my definition of letting go.

I decided to stop my gesture because I want people to realize that I'm not fighting them. I'm not a person who likes to fight with others, and I'm sure my true friends understand this; that I always look for peace in solving any problems unless someone attack or intimidate me. In terms of confrontation, I always try to put effort in solving things peacefully by fully surrender to what has been ordained to me if I believe objective discussion is not possible at all. Yet people still question my sincere motive and misinterpret acts of wisdom and maturity as being gutless.

Since few months ago I have decided to stop being a stupid beggar and to let everything flows naturally. It is what it is. Let by gone be by gone. May only the fond memories stays in my heart and not the hard feelings.

My Friend and His Superstitious Cards

2008-04-13T20:43:00.009+07:00

Lately, a friend of mine has been very interested with card-reading, either using Tarot or Oracle cards. On one fine day, just recently, he asked my permission, out of a blue, to read my soul using his Oracle card; to see what's going on in my life at that moment and discover any advice in dealing with the situation.

I'm one of a person who does not really trust that kind of thing, but I decided to enjoy the experience for fun. My eagerness as well as my other friends' to test his ability in reading cards and the cards' accuracy made him felt fully supported yet challenged. As he began his demonstration, he told me that his method will involve picking up five cards according to his intuition while shuffling the deck and displaying the picked-up cards in a row based on the first to come out.

The first card he drew, which represented my present, said "Trust the Divine Plan." My friend who read the card said that I'm so much affected, waaaaaaayyyy tooo much, with my failures & hurts in the past that I let the pain consume my faith in my life journey I've traveled so far. Because of the pain, I became overly defensive with my surroundings and very doubtful with the good outcome from an incident in the past.

Since it was a public reading rather than a private one, I pretended that it didn't mean a thing, only smiled and nodded.

As he continued, he told me that the card advised me to appreciate what had happened to me because it had happened according to the plan from the Creator. The incident I have experienced so far has shaped me into a very wonderful, creative soul (he used word 'soul' since it was a Soul Oracle Card). In the end, my friend said that the card told me to appreciate and respect my life. Although it is very hard to understand what I have encountered so far, the experience was very essential for my journey and was not a mistake. It told me that I'm still on schedule with my life's agenda.

I said to myself, "whoaaaaaa... what a very deep one yet it hit the nail" while only saying "okay, I buy that one" in front of the group while they cheered to my card reader. Indeed, something terrible and unforgettable had happened three years ago where I learned through pains and torments.

The session became very interesting that I was very curious to find out what the next cards would tell me.

The second card, which represented my past, said "Forgive and Forget." It told me that I'm still hurts so much from betrayals and disappointments from my past that I refrain myself from any deep, intimate relationship with people (my goodness, can this card be anymore accurate?). It told me that I have to knock down any threshold that stopping me from receiving support from other people. It said that my life is now shifting that I needed to open up in order to move forward. (Hmmmm... does 'open up' mean something or anything in specific?). My task now is to love myself and gather my self-esteem back in order to forgive and forget things from the past that hurt me in present situation. I've hurt, I've survived, I've learned (the hard way) and now it's the time to move forward. That was what the card told me.

What my friend told me was just a coincidence, I believe, because the other three cards did not gave me such same effects. The third one, which represented my immediate future said "Quietly Served,"which advised me that I had to run my daily, boring routines peacefully and joyfully without the need to expect something great; which an act that shows my spiritual maturity.

The fourth card, which represented what I've failed to see said "Refine Your Attention," which advised me to find another focus or get focused in my life. Last but not least was the fifth card which represented my long-term opportunity. It said "Laugh at Your Demons," which advised me to laugh and not to let anything stopping me from being positive. As I laugh, I should believe that everything will all straighten up.

My friends cheered as I told my card-reader, "you should be a professional card-reader and earn money from it." From every now and then many people in my campus will wait in line to get opportunity to consult with my friend and his cards. Hahaha...

Hmmm... did the card really read my soul situation at that time, or was it just a serendipity?

A Mail from A Friend

2008-04-09T20:49:00.006+07:00

When someone finds comfort in a friendship with somebody else, that person could share most things, even the deepest thought he/she has. I believe many people in the world understand this and it's their privilege to share whatever they want.

Just recently, I got a mail from one of my good friend who shares her deepest thought, about her hatred to someone who betrays her. I hope I could learn from her story that I should be more careful in friendship and be more objective in judging things.

Loyalty, Lies, Betrayal & Church

Dude, hari ini aku hanya mau bicara soal loyalty atau kesetiaan. Ini topik yang menarik jika didalamnya ada kebohongan dan penghianatan. Keluh-kesah, kesedihan, rasa tertindas, feeling insult, dan kebingunganmu pada paskah kemarin, ketika engkau didamprat mantan sahabatmu karena kau berbaik-hati menawarkan Ibunya, orang yang kau hormati, untuk menumpang di mobilmu yang kebetulan sedang ke Bandung bersama kedua saudaramu itu, mengingatkanku kembali pada kebingungan dan kemarahanku sekitar 3 tahun lalu pada seorang perempuan (aku menyebutnya iblis betina) bernama VS. Kesalahanmu adalah, kau berbaik-baik dengan orang yang dicintai sahabat yang mendampratmu itu. Strange indeed! Nothing is stranger than that! Disela-sela keluhmu aku hanya bisa bertanya, what’s your battle with her? Why does she hate you so much? Why do you need forgiveness from her? What did you do to her that makes you deserve to be punished? Akhirnya, Dude, nasihatku hanya singkat, tanpa membahas detail permasalahan (aku pun sama bingungnya), aku minta kau untuk Move on! Leave it behind, kataku. Mungkin kau memang layak dihukum. Mungkin kau memang layak diperlakukan seperti penderita kusta, dikucilkan dan diminta tidak berdekatan dengan ibu siapapun. Mungkin di gereja mereka diajarkan untuk menghukum orang. Semoga mereka konsisten menghukum dan mengucilkan semua pendosa disana seperti para banci, sexual predator yang baru keluar penjara itu, orang-orang yang sexual preference-nya dipertanyakan, orang-orang yang hamil diluar nikah, penyembah berhala/pendukun, koruptor, perselingkuh, dan para pendosa lainnya.

Kalau kau bilang kau jadi takut berbaik-baik dengan semua orang ex-church-mu itu, I don’t blame you. Bagaimana tidak? Kau sedang dikeroyok oleh banyak orang, sedang diadili, dan pengadilan buat mu belum ditutup bahkan setelah 3 tahun lebih berlalu. Herannya, bagaimana seluruh teman-temanmu bisa tahu curhatmu yang seharusnya confidential itu, sehingga semua orang menjadikan itu alat untuk menghukummu? Tertawa, kata Dr. Phil adalah obat paling mujarab. Kalau kau sudah sampai pada tahap mentertawakan itu semua, berarti you’ve alredy been cured!

Apa yang terjadi padamu paskah kemarin tak sebanding dengan yang kuterima dari iblis betina bernama VS. Tak sebanding karena aku anggap kau dan mantan sahabatmu itu sebaya, jadi biasalah kalau yang sebaya, berantem, baik, berantem lagi. Tapi, dengan umurku yang sudah nenek-nenek ini, dan dengan VS yang seumurmu, lalu aku diperdaya dan dikadalin olehnya itu, membuat aku setiap hari membatin dia, agar one day ia dibakar atau dikubur hidup-hidup oleh para malaikat di surga karena kebohongan dan kekurangajarannya itu. (heheheheheh!!). Seumur hidupku, aku belum pernah merasa dendam pada mahluk pithecantropus erectus seperti VS ini. Ini cerita yang kusimpan selama lebih 3,5 tahun dan aku ingin kau cermati, sehingga kau merasa tidak sendiri.

Bayangkan Dude, aku tidak kenal iblis betina VS ini sebelumnya, bahkan sampai hari ini aku tidak tahu rumahnya dimana, ibu/bapaknya siapa, tanggal lahirnya kapan, dsb. Yang aku tahu adalah dia sering datang ke rumah as a guest dan my sister and I jadi sering hangout dengan dia. Many times, with you or my sister, or with other people aku sering hang out, makan bersama dia, main bowling, atau ngobrol sama dia. (FYI, I paid all the hangouts!). Aku ingat betul, pendekatan pertama dia secara personal adalah ketika dia meminjam diktat marketing Kotler-ku, katanya atas saran my sister (that’s how she got my phone number), lalu dia sering bertanya dan minta advise masalah dunia kerja, hingga suatu hari dia mengajak aku chat di YM, atau SMS. Dia pergunakan kebaikanku dan ke-kakak-an-ku untuk membuatkan CV-nya, menyusun proposal skripsinya, bahkan membuat dia interview dengan seorang sahabatku di Agro Group dalam upaya magang pembuatan skripsi itu. (Thanks God, temanku tidak terima karena menurut dia, VS punya personality yang sangat aneh).

She was using me big time!! Ia lalu mulai bercerita mengenai banyak hal. Pacar-pacarnya, pemujaan-pemujaan dan kebencian-kebenciannya terhadap orang-orang di sekelilingnya. Ia menganalisa setiap orang dalam circlenya. Analisa-analisanya, walaupun kadang membuat dahiku berkernyit, semua detail! Semisal, ia melaporkan kepadaku, banyak pasangan yang berpacaran dengan gaya pacaran yang tidak alkitabiah, katanya. Lalu dia mencela gurunya yang selalu menjadikan pasangan tertentu menjadi role model, padahal menurut dia pasangan itu tidak layak menjadi role model. Amazingly, orang-orang yang dia omongi adalah teman-teman dalam the closest circle gerejanya sendiri. Ia bahkan bercerita tentang hal-hal yang aku yakin ia janjikan untuk dijaga kerahasiaannya, dari mulai masalah curhatmu dengan dia, percakapan-percakapan rahasia ia dengan MM dalam setiap KTB, analisa-analisa MM mengenai setiap pengurus gereja, Ia bahkan bercerita sangat banyak tentang MM yang selalu mempergunjingkan my sister ( I am so stupid that I wanted to listen more). Belum lagi kecemburuan dan kebencian-kebencian dia pada D dan adiknya S, pada fasilitas-fasilitas yang diperoleh S dengan mudah, katanya, termasuk bagaimana kemudahan orang-orang tertentu diangkat ke posisi atas karena kedekatan-kedekatan pribadi. Lalu ia banyak cerita juga mengenai konflik-konfliknya dengan J sahabat sejak kecilnya, dan tuduhan-tuduhan perselingkuhan J dengan seseorang dalam circlenya. Artinya, Dude, bisa lho dia ini pergi dengan J dan S, berenang, lalu dia bercerita kepadaku bahwa itu adalah sebuah perselingkuhan. How awful this bitch! Membuat perangkap adalah hobby dan game buatnya. Sangat luar biasa aneh! Lebih dekat ke sakit jiwa.

BTW, ingatkah Dude, kita, kau, aku, my brother dan iblis betina ini pernah makan ke Jln Sabang atau ngopi ke starbuck Sarinah? Inget tidak, siapa orang yang selalu dia bicarakan dan dia gunjingkan setiap menit dan detik?. Orang yang selalu dia benci dan dia cemburui? Kita semua mendengarkan, karena separuh hati kita memang ingin lebih tahu. Ingat tidak waktu dia mengusulkan “bagaimana kalau kita membuat paguyuban pembenci si XX?”, katanya. Well, kita semua tertawa terbahak-bahak waktu itu. Kita tahu dia gundah bener dengan beberapa orang dalam circle dia, tapi tetap bermanis-manis di depan mereka. Jadi kita geli melihat kegundahannya. Lalu ingatkah kau waktu kita makan kepiting di Green Ville? Ide siapa tuh dude? Dan siapa yang selalu digunjingkannya dalam setiap gigitan kepiting yang masuk ke dalam mulutnya? Si VS ini, menganggap orang-orang gereja itu, teman-temannya, loser, jadi bisa dia manipulasi.

Yang paling buruk dari semua perangkapnya adalah suatu hari ketika kami sedang chat di YM, lagi-lagi selalu ia yang mulai menegurku di YM. Aku bilang ke dia, bahwa aku mau ke CL beli pita printer, jadi tidak bisa lama chat.. Lalu dia spontan mengatakan bahwa dia juga mau ke CL diantar her brother, “mau nebeng kak?” Singkat kata, aku ambil tawaran itu tanpa berkata apa-apa. Sebuah tawaran yang menguntungkan, ditebengin sampai CL. Kami lalu makan, dan ketika makan, bang! Dia bilang, please keep this for ourselves, jangan ada yang tahu kalau kita makan di CL. Aku sebenarnya terheran-heran tapi tidak menunjukkan reaksi. Harusnya aku hentikan saja semua itu tapi tidak kulakukan. Semua aturan-aturan itu, pertemuan yang harus dirahasiakan, pembocoran-pembocoran rahasia oleh VS, membawa ku ke suatu titik yang salah. BIG TIME MISTAKE. I should have stopped her while I had that chance! I regret every minute of it. Finaly, Dude, cerita mengenai aku ke CL berbalik. Aku dituduh mengajak setan ini ke CL, seolah aku tidak punya kerjaan ngajak anak kecil ke CL untuk mancing-mancing setan ini. Hebat kan?

Sejak kecil, Dude, aku memang punya kelainan, (atau keistimewaan?) which is senang melakukan observasi (selain memang punya bakat wartawan investigasi). Orang bisa bercerita apa saja padaku, dan aku tidak akan menghentikannya. Sampai hari ini aku masih melakukan itu dan I never have problem. I know, sering kali orang lain menuduh, akulah yang membuat orang-orang itu bercerita padaku. Coba Dude, mereka bukan kelas babu-babu atau kacung-kacung yang bisa dimanipulasi atau diintimidasi untuk bercerita. Itu tuduhan yang aneh yang biasanya datang dari orang yang punya problem komunikasi. Yang paling buruk dari si VS, iblis betina ini, pada akhirnya mengatakan kepada orang bahwa aku lah yang me-mancing-mancing dia, sehingga dia bercerita semua hal yang diceritakannya kepadaku. Bagaimana mungkin aku memancing VS, wong aku tidak berada dalam circle-nya?. Tapi yes ketika ia mulai bercerita, aku merespons dan jadi ingin tahu lebih banyak.

Kesalahanku dude adalah, ketika dia menceritakan semua hal itu, ketika dia memberikan banyak informasi itu, aku berniat mengumpulkannya dan tidak menghentikannya. Aku pikir, sedikit lagi, agar aku dapat lebih banyak info, sebelum aku ungkapkan to my sister, later. Karena sebenarnya this bitch VS, iblis betina, bukan saja sedang mengkhianati teman-teman yang digunjingkannya, tapi juga my sister! Dengan dia menceritakan semua pembicaraan dan diskusi dia dengan MM, berarti behind my sister’s back, dia bergunjing tentang my sister kan? Mengapa gunjingan MM itu tidak disampaikannya ke my sister? Dan hanya kepada ku? Bagaimana mungkin aku memancing hal ini? Tapi ternyata dari wajah yang buruk itu terdapat hati yang buruk. Dia sudah calculated, bahwa kalau ada apa-apa, dia akan balikkan semua. I was so slow. Before I had a chance to disclose it all, she flipped everything upside down. Diputar-balikkan semua. Dia bilang aku yang memancing-mancing dia untuk bercerita!!! ( In a way, dia mengakui semua itu tapi karena aku memancingnya?).

VS ini dude mesti diperiksa oleh psikiatri. Lets analyze!. Dia always come between 2 friends, 2 people in relationship, bahkan 2 sisters. Jadi dia adalah orang yang tidak suka kalau orang lain bahagia. Semua orang tak luput dari analisa negatifnya. SEMUA. Anehnya di depan mereka dia bisa bermanis-manis. Jadi VS ini memiliki personality disorder. I bet, one day itu akan jadi tool yang menghancurkan dirinya sendiri.

Seperti insting temanku, HR Manager yang pernah interview VS di Agro Group, VS memang punya karakter aneh. Ia seperti tokoh iblis dan nenek sihir dalam banyak dongeng. Dia bercerita mengenai banyak kebenciannya pada orang-orang tertentu, tetapi kepada orang itu dia tersenyum. Aku yakin, dimanapun VS berada, personality iblisnya itu akan selalu dia bawa. Aku yakin kalau kita membuat suatu laporan investigasi, sudah banyak orang jadi korban manipulasi dia. Topeng paling besar yang dia pakai adalah gereja!

Di satu sisi, Dude, I am so proud of myself. As much as I wanted to slap her in her face, I never do it. Suatu kali aku pernah lihat dia di ATM BCA di TA, aku pikir tadinya aku mau tampar dia tapi, ah, kasihan lihat muka buruknya, kasihan lihat hati jahatnya. Dia juga aku lihat di pesta my brother, aku bener-bener jijik melihat mukanya yang agak miring itu. Jijik karena mengingat dia bertopeng sebagai aktivis gereja, mampu melakukan hal seperti yang dia lakukan terhadapku dan terhadapmu. Hampir aku lempar sop kambing panas dia, tapi instead, aku makan saja sop kambing itu. Dari pada masuk penjara? (hahahahah)

VS, VS! Penipu, pembohong, perempuan iblis berhati busuk yang dikirim Lucifer. Namamu VS, tidak seperti tokoh Sarah dalam alkitab. “Posesiveness-mu itu membuatmu tampak seperti seorang serial betrayer or psychopat liar. One day, kau pasti akan dapat ganjaran yang lebih layak dari pada di bakar hidup-hidup di neraka”.

VS is the worst nightmare I have ever had, and maybe many people ever had. VS is the satanic satan.:) I regret every minute of knowing her. It disgusted me even to think about it.

Atas nama Loyalty taik kucing yang entah dari mana dia pelajari, VS memberikan timbunan lies and sold me out!! Tanpa aku pernah punya kesempatan meng-counter dia atau dimintai bercerita versiku. Thank you Jesus for giving us internet, so I can share this with you and put it permanently here. Tulisan ini sekaligus jadi tiang pancang, in case dia baca, kalau dia berani sangkal even one word of this story, seluruh kegelapan akan terjadi pada perempuan setan ini. (I feel so relieved after writing this)

Jadi my advise to you move on and leave it behind is not bad at all, kan?

Salam

One Precious Day

2008-04-07T22:12:00.007+07:00

Today I didn't have any class at all.
As well as the rest of the week (except Tuesday).
And the following week (except Tuesday).
....

Mid-term exam was the reason. Since I only have 3 subjects for this semester, lucky me (or perhaps, unfortunate me to deal with so many free times), I have lots of free days during the mid-term exam weeks. Today was the first of my free days and I decided to accompany and drive my dad to an office at Serpong. To my surprise, my brother didn't have any school as well, thus I decided to ask him and my sister to join me.. and that makes my mom went with us as well.. As the result, off we went at 10 AM with that little Jazz packed with 5 huge people....

After we dropped our father, we went to see a beautiful house nearby and see its design and concept. Afterwards, we decided to have lunch at a newly-opened McDonald's in Alam Sutera. The time I spent with mom and my siblings were so precious since it was such a rare occassion, having a quality time outside the house. And yeah, I was so happy that we could spent the day together. People were staring at us (me, my sista and bro) and we were so confused why... someone even dare to approach us and ask where did we get our shirts... haha.. that's the time when we realize why they were staring at us and that also made my bro says that "this is the first time and the last time" (that we ever wear same shirts) hahahha....

The rest of the day was kindda boring since it involves traffic jam, traffic jam and traffic jam.. But what I remember the most from today was the time we spent together in the car: chit-chat, play jokes and discuss things together... Sigh.. what a precious day today is.

A Comment that Makes a Point

2008-03-28T12:04:00.004+07:00

Taken from my recent "People & Life"

" Dude, Whoever you are talking about in this issue, they are all hypocrite! They go to church 7 days in a week, being so called "servant" of God, but they know Nothing about the essence of Christianity. "LOVE, LOVE & LOVE". Loyalty is in the boundary of friendship to them. So, their pattern of conduct is: "you have problem with my friends, you also have problem with me!" Orang-orang ini, Dude, menganggap diri mereka suci, menganggap mereka akan masuk surga, jadi mereka pikir, mereka berhak, atas nama Tuhan, menghakimi orang lain, atas nama gereja, menghasut orang lain, berbicara mengenai kebohongan-kebohongan dalam mempertahankan politiking pertemanan, dan hebatnya, ketika seseorang dianggap "bermanfaat", apapun dosa dan kejelekan orang tersebut dimata mereka, mereka akan berusaha menyukai, mendekati, menjadikannya teman. Uang, connection, like vs dislike, sering kali merubah perspektif orang. Sexual Preference, misalnya, sering dijadikan alat untuk menghancurkan orang lain, sementara orang lain dengan problem sexual preference yang sama, memperoleh toleransi untuk mengiringi mereka bernyanyi memuji Tuhan. Sexual predator saja beredar di gereja tanpa seorangpun berani menegakkan kebenaran. Belum lagi orang orang yang sering kali berbicara mengenai kejelekan orang lain lalu bersembunyi dibalik Alkitabnya. My point is, dude, the hell with these hyprocrite morons!

Be who you are, praktekan apa yang kau pelajari di alkitab itu, tidak judgemental, tidak bergosip, tidak bersungut-sungut dan merasa paling suci, tidak berhati busuk, tidak iri, tidak bergunjing tentang teman sendiri. Dan setialah pada konsep itu, jangan setia pada teman belaka!

You go, man!

Rgds,
TS

3/27/08 9:48 PM"

A Lesson about Love

2008-03-24T12:38:00.003+07:00

I recently learned they way to love I've never experienced before. All the time that I live, I always love others through the common ways: giving & receiving, providing & taking, surrendering & believing, fighting & reconciling (while some people actually decided to stuck on fighting without any attempt to reconcile).

Now, I realize that Love also means to let go. Yes, I realize and learn that I cannot always hope that I could always be together with people that I love and care about. Sometimes there are barriers and obstacles from other human being or condition or other possible forces that do not wish the same way as I do. And yeah, for better or worse, I could only surrender to the situation and wish for the best that could ever happen and be done.

My deep condolences to the forces that do not understand the true meaning of Loving

People & Life

2008-03-24T12:24:00.006+07:00

Sometimes I could not understand about people and their way of thinking... it's not that I wanna go back to the past, but it's inevitable not to.

Sigh.... this is one of the reason, if not justification, of why I'm not yet able to go back to my Father's Mansion, esp. in the country that I live at the moment. I'm disappointed of how most of the people of the belief think, act and treat people in their daily life. I've been there with them and I (think) I know what to do and what not to do based on what the belief teaches. Call me perfectionist, call me idealist, but it's what's supposed to be done if you have the belief, right? To trust and obey the rules. Seems like most people forget the second rule.

Those kind of people can not provide forgiveness and do not believe that one may improve over time. I've tried to defeat my own emotion and to throw my anger away in handling the situation, but apparently I have to implement what my 'Wise man of the Family" has once taught me: Not to be a fool person because life is broader and greater than to focus on one problem, particularly a person that tackles your way in achieving what's best.

That leads to my second reason of why I'm not ready to go back to my Father yet. There are still some aspects of my life that still needs to be fixed, yeah because I really want it to be perfect to go back and have a deep, personal relationship with my Father. I know how it felt because I've tasted it once, but I fell and still in the process to rise. And yeah... those kind of people I mentioned above are the major barrier. I think it's better to be an Agnostic or a Heathen than to be a blasphemous , cynical yet skeptical Pharisee.

... My Coming Home ...

2008-03-10T07:52:00.005+07:00

Back to the real life as a student...

Yeah, today is Monday, and I feel the urge to be responsible as a student... I just had my long-weekend, which every now and then my weekends will be a long one since I have no class anymore on Friday. Yeahaha.... It sounds fun, but it's actually not if you don't have any activity to kill the time.

As for now, I think I've moved on from my past story which involved some people. Few of them have evolved as well, I mean, in terms of how they treated me. The rest remains still. Well, it's up to their decision on whether or not to be objective in looking at a problem. One thing for sure though, I will never forget how my once-a-good-friend have betrayed me and sold me for pity.

I'm back to my own feet. I gained back my strength after all these years. I'm more confident now in what I'm doing and in how I'm trying to achieve what I want.

Welcome back Eko Prayitno

A Tempting Thought

2007-10-03T14:48:00.000+07:00

I just called my greatest bestfriend and we discussed a thing that I always avoid in my mind: make a living in here....

Now, that I am aware of the goodness, I became tempted to consider about it and make it happens...

Sigh... I'm not gonna sleep well from now on... Hahaha...

Yea, now that I got a chance to be here, why don't I try to make things possible? Sigh... I will do a heavy contemplation on this, and that includes not sleeping well... Sigh.... =)

Yeah, why don't I try to put effort in making a living in here? And making a living, that means peacefully and legally... =)

Friends and readers, plz pray for me... =

A Li'l Update from Across the Sea

2007-10-01T14:50:00.001+07:00

As I just told my good friends over the e-mail, my life in here has been going just fine. Nothing really special nor exiting (at least in my p.o.v)...

Working experience was just exciting during the first month... afterwards, it's just a regular working experience.... li'l drama over here and there like always everywhere... Facing lazy co-workers who could let me do all the works by myself and dealing with super-perfectionist and demanding manager were the two-most challenges I'm trying to surive... Other than that, I could still manage my pace and performance in the busy, tight schedule.

Yeah... can't wait to go to Vegas and see Celine Dion's spectacular concert in December... Ow yea... my parents are coming too within a week from now... Yeah.... Miss them so much. =)

ps. God has been good to me through every blessing He provides in every second of my life... praise the Lord... Thank You, Lord...

Wishing upon a Falling Star

2007-09-17T00:31:00.001+07:00

The other night, i was walking down the street, going back to my current living place from work when I saw a falling star. I've been wishing to see a falling star since a month ago, just out of the blue, to make a wish upon it. Hahaha... And, there it was... falling star within a blink of my eyes. It fell very fast... really fast.... Fortunately I could still see it and made a wish upon it. Yeah, supersticious me ;~

At first, I thought I would wish upon money, but then I think it would be too greedy, then I decided at last to "........." Yeah, I do hope it will come true....

Anyway, I just couldn't share it here or anywhere, don't wanna jinx it.. =)

Finding the Answer

2007-09-13T23:55:00.000+07:00

So... I've lived here for almost 3 months now, and I've made peace with my surroundings and been able to accept my condition with huge effort not to lose everything that I've achieved so far. Don't wanna spoil my chance...

Anyway....

Curious on why I post this picture? Here's the answer

2 days ago I heard from the radio that there would be an event for scouting held by proscout. I suddenly remembered my long-time desire on becoming a model (Huahahaha.... now I can laugh about it I guess...). I even took a course in 2002 in once prestigious modeling agency and school in Jakarta... (I just realized I haven't got my certificate yet...)

Okay, this agency who held the scouting event is the most well known agency in discovering new talents in the showbiz and entertainment industry for United States and all major market in the world such as Paris, Milan, Tokyo, Barcelona, etc. They are the one who discovered the new face of Estee Lauder. Now, I thought to myself that I have the opportunity to get the answer from the pro whether or not I could be in the industry, why shoudn't I go and find out?

And so I went to that event yesterday, and I found the answer: NO.... (can't you see it written on my forehead? Gosh I should've looked into the mirror before I even have the desire...), and my life goes on..... I'll just be the audience for modeling industry...

As far as I remembered, I once shared with my good, old-time friend (whom I expect she is now, though distance tear us part... although now we're only an hour away until December...) that I'm interested in the industry because of the glamorousity, fabulous life and the fame. Now, I think I can find it elsewhere if I still want to get those things in my life, but... I think I found another goal of life and that fame, glamour and the bling-bling are not included in it.

Having heard about the answer on one of my desire, now I'm curious no more and can say goodbye to it (read: modeling) and move on with my other unstoppable desire: singing.... Huahahahaha.....

ps. beachpanda... I wish we live closer too... =(

Stories, Experiences, Memories

2007-08-15T21:35:00.000+07:00

There are just so many things I'd like to share and tell, if only I always have my computer whenever the idea and desire pops up in my mind.

As for now, I am sound and safe, learning how to live a life without complaining and being spoiled...

Sigh...

HELP !!!

2007-07-25T23:29:00.000+07:00

This is the flyer I made couple days ago to find Taka

MISSING

Dear friends, neighbors, pet-lovers,

We have a very cute and lovely dog, named Taka. He is very funny, obedient, and spoiled. He barely barks and very nice to people. Everywhere we go with him, people falls in love immediately just by looking at him. He is the sunshine of the family.

We are very sad at the moment because he is missing. We really, really love this dog and we really care about him very much. We already consider him as a family member. We are very worried because we’ve been looking anywhere, but we could not found him yet. We are very afraid if something bad happened to him.

The last time we saw him was on Friday, July 20th 2007 at around 6 P.M on South Arroyo Drive, San Gabriel City. If anyone could help us find this lovely dog, we highly appreciate it. Contact us if you see him or if he’s with you. We are really sad and the family is under a grief. Anyone, please help us find Taka…

PERSON TO CONTACT

Eka Sari : (951)-710-0477
Indra Wijaya : (510)-717-3834

DESCRIPTION

Race : American Eskimo
Age : 1 year 3 months
Color : White
Mark : Blue Collar
Height : 14-17 inch
Weight : 18.5 pounds

Still Not Happy Yet

2007-07-25T23:17:00.000+07:00

I thought I'm happy here. Yet, it was a false conclusion.

I feel I can't be the real me. I hold back everything I wanna say out loud.

Two nights ago I went outside, sitting on the outside stairs, enjoying the night summer breeze while looking at the black, dark sky. Inhaling and exhaling a smoke, I thought to myself:

I'm not happy yet. I don't know what I'm looking for here. I miss my friends back home. I miss my bestfriend back home. I miss my room. I miss my family (but not that much, hehe). It's not a homesick feeling. I've felt homesick before, but this one was not it.

I felt and feel lonely again. I miss Taka, I wish I hadn't lost him. I wish I could find him back.

Nobody here helps me to feel comfortable and accepted. I guess that's the reality when you depend on someone and has to be where the person is, at least not 24-hour.

Sigh.... Taka... where Are You ???

Life is not about haha...hihi...

2007-07-21T23:28:00.000+07:00

Yesterday the dog, Taka, my sister shared with her housemates was gone and I felt the guilt out of it.

I and my sister were leaving to a mall in La Brea named The Grove. When we opened the apartment door, Taka rushed out of the apartment. At first I thought he needed to pee or poo. But, when we let him out to the yard, he didn't do any of those activities. He gazed to the street at his eye level, and wanting to get into the car, going out with us.

Then, I picked him up to return him to the house. Since my sister and her housemates usually left him inside the fence, believing that Taka will eventually get inside the apartment by himself (we left the door opened for him to get in); I did the same thing as well. Instead of putting him into the house, I left him inside the apartment fence (it's only 10 steps away from the apartment).

When my sister started to drive I could still see him wanting to get out and be with us, and we thought how cute his action was. Then, off we were to the mall.

When we were strolling around the beautiful outdoor mall in La Brea, my sister's roommate called and asked whether we took Taka with us or not, and it was already one and a half hour after we left the apartment. Soon, we realized that Taka was lost.

I suddenly felt terrible last night. I believe it happened because of my mistake by leaving the dog inside the fence, but did not make sure that he went inside the house completely. I was very afraid if my sister and her roomies will get mad at me. I know how they love the dog, and I love him too, very much. I was so stressed and depressed that I felt nauseous and dizzy with a funny feeling in my stomach. I stayed quiet and silence during the rest of the evening.

During the trip home, I suddenly realize that life is not always about haha and hihi. It’s not because I came here only for holiday while trying to get some experiences that I could laid back and not stayed focused. I still have responsibilities and duties as well as obligations to people around me and my family back home. Reality (once again) hit me last night.

I don’t wanna depend on my sister all the time, although I should as for now. I wanna be independent on my own and share the same obligation in terms of expenses with her and her roomies. I wanna be on my own, enjoying my life and try to find what I want in life.

Since the day I arrived here, I always hold back and keep my desire within myself. I don’t wanna hassle people around me since I came here as a guest and visitor. I should know how far I should go. After doing this for a month, I grew tired and I realized if I want to do anything I want, I should be independent and that’s what I’m pursuing right now.

I don’t know how this thought came up because of the incident of Taka, but I think it really comes from my heart. I do want to find Taka back and I could not sleep well before we found him. Fortunately, nobody went mad at me, but I still feel guilty and uneasy with them.

Sigh....

One thing for sure: when I take action and decision, I should do it for the sake of myself not others'. That's what I learn now.

Seeking is Believing... Seeking is Understanding

2007-07-02T22:57:00.000+07:00

Today is my 3rd week in Uncle Sam's land... there are not so many things had happened during which... why? becoz I basically stayed at home most of the time, doing chores and running some errands, helping my busy sister as well as her busy housemates...

During these past three weeks, I've been seeking for some opportunities to kill my (planned) time in this place. There were days I went out all day, entering one store to another asking for the chance I've been looking for.

Some of the obstacles to get the opportunity were my Chinese language incapability, lack of experiences and most importantly the "numbers" I could not provide them. Fortunately, some of the people were nice in helping me out for this quest. They helped me out in many ways they could provide. I really thank God for these kind people and their willingness to help. One was even accompanied and led me under the heat, knocking from one door to another. My gratitude to all of them.

Throughout the time, I sometimes, or perhaps most of the times, felt disappointed and discouraged because of the obstacles... But, having learned life values though the hard ways, I always put my best effort and positive attitude, hoping that I would bail the fish, no matter how big or small it is.

Today, my efforts and hard work are finally well paid; although I'm going to put more efforts and energy in the coming weeks, by having some kind of assurance that I get the opportunities I've been seeking. Thank God for the guidance and protection. I do hope that everything will turn out great from now on...

I believe that God always plan the best outcome for every individual though His way, and I understand that whatever I ask for could not be fulfilled over night. I believe and understand that whatever comes today is the answer God provides me and I'm really thankful for the opportunities.

Seeking needs to have faith on positive results
Seeking needs to understand whatever condition and circumstances dealt

Expect the Unexpected

2007-06-25T11:59:00.000+07:00

Who can predict what will happen in the future? Who would know exactly what kind of fortune or misfortune coming to you?

I don't know what I dreamt last night, or the night before, or the night before... or the night before.... What amazes me is the fact that I could fly accross the sea and continent and re-visit one of my beloved country.... Sigh.... Just like what my sister told me... "What did you dream last night, huh? Who expect that you are able to fly to this country?"

Yeah... in life, people should expect the unexpected and dare to take step to move (fast) forward and (hopefully) that step would bring very positive outcome and influences. Yeah...

Since the beginning of my Spring semester, I was offered by parents to visit this country during my summer break if I have nothing to do as my obligation during the break. Since I really wanted to make it true, I avoid all obligations that could become my burden during this break.

I refused an offer to become committee member in two events held in my campus and that means refusing opportunity to earn money by selling my d'echo sandwiches during one of those two big events. Also, I refused a chance to become Duta Muda ASEAN 2007, which election will be held in August. I also took a substitution class last semester, which was System Thinking, in order to avoid internship program this year, and most importantly, I did not involve myself in any big events to secure my plan to come to this country...

Yeah... last night I arrived here... very late at night... Fortunately, everything went smoothly. A huge thanks to my beloved God, Jesus Christ, who made this whole thing come true.... Only one single stop in the Immigration and Naturalization Service Office at the arrival airport... hehe... Lucky me, I only stopped for about 20 minutes, and I passed the Custom and Declaration section without any troubles. Thank God once again....

Thanks to my parents and my family, whom supports I got to be able to come to this country... I do hope I could do my best to spend my summer time beneficially and profitably (hehehe) over here... God, I really don't know what You have in your agenda for me.. All I can do is to do the best I can and be open to all opportunities and chances that you have provided.

God Bless Me.....

Ciaooo!!! Here I am.. back to you...

2007-06-06T18:34:00.000+07:00

Finally I found my time to write this blog again in the midst of hectic duties I have being a son, student and members of some choirs and community....

Pheeww....

My final exams is next week and I can't wait to get it over with. After the completion of final exams, I'll travel to other place for 2 months.... Can't wait for new and refreshing activities I'll do during my summer break.

Will tell more stories soon....

Current Struggle ...

2007-04-22T19:28:00.000+07:00

I just recently watched "Step Up" DVD for the second time. The story of Tyler's struggle in the movie kindda reflected in my personal life. *by the way, it's raining at the moment I write this; after all the hot, shinny, humid day...pheeww finally, whatta relief..*

Back to Tyler's struggle throughout the movie... He didn't know exactly what he wants to do in life (not until the end of the movie)... Just like what I experience in my whole life, although I'm already 22 currently. Ever since I was a child I've wanted to become so many things... or maybe not... I don't think I have. I do realize now that I don't have any goal and objective for myself. What do I want?

I know that I have some talents and abilities such as singing, dancing, cooking, and perhaps make people happy (I used to be able to do this). It's not that I'm trying to proud myself or be snobbish about it, but for sure, I haven't maximize the potential in me. I know that I can sing... I know that I can move... I know I love to perform on stage and be the center of attention... but... I've never move my talents and abilities to the next level...

I once (or have) wated to become a performer: sing, dance and give some acting together with it... I've done several things to expand my range: vocal class, dance class, modeling course... but talents and abilities are just not enough... just what was being said throughout the movie... I have to put some effort and show how bad I want it. Now, the problem is, How bad do I want it?

I'm affraid that what I said on the previous sentences were derived from the fame, galamorous and positive effects I see through my point of view towards a career being a performer such as a singer, a dancer, or an an actor. I'm affraid that it's not what I really want. Even if it is what I want in life, I don't have enough resources to support me. First, my family kindda expect me to do something conventional: go to school, earn a grade, get a job or continue parent's small business and off course to get married . Second, the society and even my close people around me would have some kind of prejudism, stereotype, judgement, and whatever you name 'em; that those kind of life is immortal and do not offer any certainties for my future life. Third, without any supports and beliefs from trusted people that I expected, I won't gain any success even if I fight for it... at least that's what I thought...

Now, with all the considerations, and perhaps combined with the journey that had happenned in my life up until now, I'm stucked here pursuing a bachelor degree in Marketing and try as hard as I could to graduate with good grades. It's one and a half more year to get my degree and I won't harm or spoil it with my thoughts and desires of doing what I want in life. I will finish my study and take the degree as my warranty for my future, and perhaps I would do what I want after graduation. And I do hope that it won't be too late to do it. I mean... I'm already 22 years old, for goodness sake. I hope I won't find myself too stiff or slow to learn when I finally do what I want.

One question remains as my homework, though... What do I want in life... and most importantly, how bad do I want what I want in my life?

Sigh.... what a contemplation...

Thanks for Ruining My Life

2007-04-19T10:33:00.000+07:00

What's important in life for you? To me, it's when people understand and accept me just the way I am. It's just hurtful when people comment on my personality and make a joke out of it and even mock me about it. I know that I'm sensitive and too nice (sweet) as a guy, but why does it bother you people? Can't I be just what I am? Have I ever hurt you? Have I ever treated you badly? Have I stabbed you from the back? Why can't you people just let me be what I am and let me have peace in life? Are you people happy when I became miserable? Are you people happy when I'm sad and lose my grip?

I'm hurt. Really hurt. Thanks for the way you treat me people. Don't blame when I became such an a**hole and pain in the a** to all you people. Just don't blame me. You guys have made me decided this.

I hate this judgmental world. I hate those judgmental people living in that world. Screw you people!!!

No inspiration

2007-04-13T10:28:00.000+07:00

dear blog...

I have no inspiration to write these lately.. I'm even stucked on my campus papers... I dunno what to write and I have no desire to write... Thank God my System Thinking Journals will due in 2 weeks. Gosh, I have to prepare 5 journals for that...

I've been tired, mentally and physically.. I've been bored.. I'm exhausted, especially with this life. I wanna see new things... I wanna experience new stuffs... all in all, I need dynamic life instead of monotonous life.

geee....

I'm in the middle of my mid-term exams weeks. God Bless Me.... God Help Me, please.... I wanna do real good on the exams... I wanna improve my grades.

Sigh.....

AAAaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

2007-04-05T07:34:00.000+07:00

I'm stressed with my assignments and every responsibility I have to accomplish.....

I hate the deadliness.....

Arrgghhh...

My (lonely) Saturday...

2007-03-24T15:30:00.000+07:00

Stranded here.. all by myself.. In a room where I intended to do assignments..

I've been here since 10.00 hrs. Not very much progress I've made..

Thinking about my life... do I actually have a life? ha......ha.....ha...

A friend once asked me "Hey, do you have a life? " when he saw me editing a group assignment in class. I said "Off course I have."
Only my kind of life seems empty and lonely when I'm alone... and I don't think I have the real joy of being young and being youth................................. *who stole it from me?*

I haven't figured out what I really want to achieve in my future life. All I know, I want to live happy. But, as far as I could picture myself in the future, I see a lonely guy trying to live a life in the middle of a crowd.

Am I gonna be alone all by myself? Sigh...

*my other half, please come soon before loneliness starts to kill me...*

Mellow Me...

2007-03-23T13:19:00.000+07:00

Currently not in the mood....

Mixed feelings...

Having a cold and cough.... not a good combination....

Wanting someone to pamper and caress me...

Mellow mode: On
Lazy mode: On

Wanna lay down and watch Will & Grace to make my day...

Sigh...

Hachi-Hachi vs. The Buffet

2007-03-22T08:35:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I had a cancelled afternoon class, which means I was free after 11.30 hrs. I had known this since two days before, thus had made a plan to go to Mal Taman Anggrek with my friend to hunt for some items. And as the result, I went there with an additional friend (so, it was the three of us), to have lunch together and afterwards hunt the items I was looking for.

Soon after we arrived, my friends wanted to made a photo-sticker first becoz it had been a very long time for them to do such thing since they were still in high-school. And, off we went to look for that kinda shop. Unfortunately, the photo-sticker thingy is no longer a trend, thus we went to Timezone where they have a fancy photo box service. And, we took 2 cute shots... hehehe...

Afterwards, we went too hach-hachi, a sushi restaurant at MTA's 3rd fl. beside KFC, for lunch. We had Salmon Club Rolls, Salmon Maki, and Crunchy Rolls. The club rolls were the best among the three. During that time, I was challanged to eat one roll with so many wasabi that my friends predicted it would had made me cried soooooo baaadddd..... And voila: I didn't cry at all, it did not give any effect to me. I myself was stunned with my ability to handle wasabi that much. Geee... am I freak or what?

In the end, we asked for the bill... aaaaannnnnndddddddd (drum rollssssss)..... ta da.....
To our suprise, the total was Rp.105.000 something.... it was around Rp.35.000 for each person. We were amazed because we had predicted that we would had to pay more than that. This is due to the fact that all of us had very full stomachs, and we highly valued the meals. Whooaaaa.... It was really worth it to eat there. Really. I would pay a return visit for next time and even promote it to other people...

I felt so much satisfied with the service and the meals they provided me and my friends. It reminded me what a waste I did two days before by having lunch at The Buffet, Mal Ciputra.

The restaurant had a great promotion that really seduce people to come and try their restaurant. They say they have great varieties of foods from all over the world, starting from the appetizers until the desserts. And they also say that the food has a good quality and great taste. To my opinion: all are lies. Yep....

I went there with my brother on Monday, during the Hindu Day of Silence holiday, thus we couldn't use the student price promotion. Instead of paying Rp.45.000 ++, we paid Rp.66.000++. And off we went inside the restaurant after a supervisor usher us to a table. When I asked him for the other table of my preference location, he said all were reserved.

Maann.. I didn't asked much, only the same table for 2 person at another area of the restaurant. I know how restaurant operates. The fact was there were some empty tables (with reserved signs) at other side of the restaurant. I believe that the signs were put on the table so that guests would had to check on the supervisor first, not necessary someone had booked them. Come on, think with logical mind: who would want to book for a table in a buffet restaurant for only 2 persons? Unless there would be many party coming in, yes, reservation in advance would be necessary, especially on public holiday. But, a party that consist of only 2 person is usually a walk in, right?

This seating arrangement was actually not a big issue. The bigger issue was with the food and the service from the chefs.

Sushi has been my favorite food ever since I taste 'em, and one of the reason I wanna try The Buffet was because they said they provide sushi as well. When I went to the line for sushi, what a great disappointment I got: the sushi were all out and they only provided rolls or maki... to make things worse, the maki were all prepared instead of freshly made. Thus, the rice was all mushy and wet, and the seaweed was no longer fresh. Moreover, when I went there during that public holiday, they only provided one type of maki: chicken katsu maki, which means a fried chicken inside the rolls. Gosh... I was so disappointed.

I was even more disappointed when I waited the chef to put new maki cuts he had prepared. The sushi provided on the table was running out, only the messy left. I didn't want to take those messy rolls and instead of giving me the new cuts he had prepared, the chef was waiting in front of me, expecting me to take those mushy and messy rolls. I stared at him in the eyes until he said "these are all the same with those on the plate..." without showing any move to put the new rolls.

I kept staring at him until he finally put the new rolls on the serving plate while saying "see...these are all the same... this...this... they are all the same..." then he left me afterwards.

Now, my question is: Is that the kind of service the company taught him? Does he has the right to treat customer that way? My experience at The Buffet Mal Ciputra was very much DISAPPOINTING. I would never recommend that restaurant to anyone. The food was bad, the dim sum was cold, the chicken was dried, the taste quality was low, and most important: The Service Was not Friendly. In the end, I had to pay Rp.95.000 for the meal and experience I did not enjoy, plus the unfriendly treatment from the service crews.

"Gosh..." I told my brother after we paid, "...had I known it was this bad, I would have had asked you to go to American Grill instead..." then we went around the mall to soothen my emotion....

One lesson: if you want to see the real face of a service provider such as restaurant, pay a visit during peak hours, thus the truth will come out: whether they could really serve customers or disappoint customers.

My Best Solitaire Moment

2007-03-20T17:54:00.000+07:00

My last weekend was really fun and relaxing. It was a long-weekend since on Monday the country celebrated Hindu Day of Silence. I was actually already booked since the previous month for a family activity, either at Kampung Sampireun, Garut (if not fully booked) or Puncak (at my relative's villa in Kota Bunga)...

But instead......,

Since I feel a great necessity to have a time for my own -away from duties & obligations- I went to my friend's place. I told my parents that I had to do some group assignments with friends and that me and classmates had decided to conduct a meeting in my friend's crib in Bogor to work on the project and spend some quality times together. Well... half of the story was true and half of it was not... hehehe...naughty me.. :P

I really worked on my assignment (and I really finished it in one day...yeay!) and had my quality times with my friends.......... in Jakarta... hehehe... :D

On Saturday, after I had a clubs-brainstorming meeting on campus, my friends and I went to a painting exhibition and apartment show unit exhibition at Rasuna Epicentrum Center, a mega-billion project from Bakrie, located at Kuningan, South Jakarta.
In the evening we had dinner at Din Tai Fung, Plaza Arcadia Senayan (the xiao long bao was really delicious and entertaining... worth to try) before we went to X-2, a new, very happening and hip club in Plaza Senayan.

The new club was huge and has 4 different clubbing areas. The center floor was for trance music lover and there was a room was for disco fever. These two areas were located at the club's first floor. At it's second floor, there was another big room for hip-hop R&B brotha' n sista'. I don't remember all the names for these areas except for one specific room that was dedicated only for members: "Ego". Yep, as the name means, the room was really egoistic that non-members could not enter.

In my opinion, the club has a great interior and clubbing concept, but it was so packed with mixed crowds that I found a hard time to enjoy myself. After about maybe an hour or so, we decided to pay a visit to Red Square to meet some friends for a while and go home. Yep... we finally hit the road to be home by around 01.00 hrs.

The next day, Sunday, I really spent my whole day in the house working on my assignments while my friends went outside for the painting auction. I was satisfied that I accomplished my college assignments on that day and was able to use internet for e-mails, chatting, and some research.
In the afternoon, I went swimming for a while. I actually wanted to swim for 30minutes, but since I hadn't eaten anything energizing throughout the day (again, bad diet program), I could only survived for 15 minutes in the pool and only 3 minutes in the sauna until I decided to hit the shower and back to the living room and have some rest, watching the hillarious Will & Grace series.

On Monday, I finally went back home and had lunch with my bro at The Buffet in Mal Ciputra. During my trip back home, riding my motorcycle, I really felt a satisfaction and happiness of having time for my own, away from my duties and obligation as student, son, and community member (moreover, the day was cool and windy and shiny when I rode my motorbike home). Yep... nobody and nothing put pressures on me. It was really peaceful, and I feel very much ready to face the real world again: assignments, paper works, selling sandwiches, being a son, being a brother, being a student and last but not least: being a member in this judgmental society.

Thanks to my friends R+S for the hospitality they have provided me and also to da' gank for spending time with me.

to Ivan...

2007-03-19T21:08:00.000+07:00

Yes..

I know Champagne Supernova is a song title. I got it when I watched The Orange County Series Season 1 if I'm not mistaken...

Thanks for reading my blog... =)

keep commenting guys.... I'm waiting for that...

I feel Peace... what a nice feeling..

2007-03-13T12:41:00.000+07:00

Usually, when I'm alone, I always feel lonely which leads me to feel depressed because I think I don't have anyone in the world and that being alone is a bad thing... I know it's a bad thought, but, yeah.. I often feel that way whenever I'm not occupied with any activities or when I have nothing to put my mind into.

But, in contray, at the moment I write this, I'm very alone in a room that I have the privilege to use on campus... hehehe... (I haven't returned the key.. they haven't asked.. :P naughty me..) and I feel very much peace with my life.

I feel everything seems to be correct. I have my own life, I'm an adult now (and seems my parents already understand this , which is a very good thing) and I can do whatever I want with responsibility without being chased as a child. I'm now treated as an adult... Yeah... What a great improvement.

Anyway... talking about alone and lonely... Although I only have several bestfriends (many acquintances and regular friends), and my relationships with them is kindda "far in the eye, close in the heart" I always believe that they are there and that they also feel that I am here. Whenever I need them, I can always count on them, and vice versa...

Yeah... I feel peace with my life at the moment. I have a business to help me occupy my energy, I have plans for my future (although on a short-term basis), and I can still live my life with just enough resources.

Yeah... I started to feel God's sovereignty (again) in my life.. Should I go back to Him now? Sigh... that would be for another contemplation...

Thanks God for every little tears and smile you've put me into...

Sigh....

ps. to P'nie... I can't believe you actually read my blog. Thanks for the comment :P You just need to see how big I am right now.. hahaha...

I'm Finally BACK in the Business

2007-03-13T08:08:00.000+07:00

Finally, I'm back in selling sandwiches on campus. Gosh, I've been not selling sandwiches since November 2006 due to a huge project on campus.

After I got back from the Philippines, I actually had a plan to start selling again, but since there was flood, it was postponed... After the flood, there was an increase in the raw material's price, and it's the most important: BREADS.

The vendor told me that the increase in price was due to the post-flood effect and also due to the increase in price of rice. I was hoping that the price increase would be temporary only... Until last week, I finally decided that I really need to get extra money (ho..ho..ho...) for my savings; thus I have to start selling again this week.

Actually the main reason why I sell sandwiches is, other than hobby in cooking & creating food, I don't have any particular activities that keep me occupied. When I'm not occupied, I can easily get bored with life, and I can easily get fat... Ha..ha..ha.. All I think and do is eating and snacking... hehehe :] (no wonder I am this big...)

Anyway... I planned to give a new look to my brand... BTW, my sandwiches' brand is "d'echo' which in English means Echo's. The new look would start on the menu. Thanks to my friend Dimas Hartoro for creating such a crazy, funny yet appealing menu name, description and additional comments. I think I'll post the menu later on...

Thank God for your blessings... I really am...

Love you, God!

Fresh in Da Mornin

2007-03-08T07:43:00.000+07:00

This morning I woke up with a "right" feeling, and that would be the outcome of having a good sleep. Gosh...I've been wanted this thing for a loooooonngg time ago: I slept just enough, and I woke up at the right time, with no pressure to hurry to do chores (yippiiieee...) or to chase time... It's very peaceful... really... :)

And, by the way, I've found the solution for my dizzy problem: I just need to eat a better lunch at the exact time at the right calories amount. Yesterday I went to Sushi Tei (my number one favorite restaurant) with my classmates for lunch. There I had salmon sushi, salmon maki, kanimayo tobbiko and crispy rolls. I shared the orders with two of my friends, so I think I ate lunch properly yesterday: not too much and not too little. Hehehe.. (usually when I go to Sushi Tei, I could order many sushi, rolls and other menus.. hehehe...)

But, I'm still stressed with my weight. Seems I need to work harder and put more efforts in obtaining my goal to lose 10kgs.... aaarrrggghhh...

*wishing that gold's gym (www.goldsgym.co.id) already open @ Mal Ciputra*

Feelin Dizzy

2007-03-06T17:48:00.000+07:00

I've decided to do my diet from this week... I think I've mastered how to make a diet plan a.k.a schedule food assumption. But, why I feel dizzy these late two days. Yesteday was very awful.. I even slept from 04.00 PM until 08.30 PM because it hurted my head. And today I feel less dizzy, but I really crave for food.

I don't know what's wrong with my diet plan:

Breakfast: a glass of milk & a piece of wholewheat bread
Morning snack: fruit or bread
Lunch: bread & soup or ketoprak (indonesian tofu salad)
Afternoon snack: apple
Dinner: none, or maybe snacking bread or peanuts

I am very much confused what's wrong with my diet plan. I believe runway models have tougher diets than mine.

Gosh I wish I have all the money in the world: I can go to nutricionist, sign-up a membership in a local gym, buy foods that is specifically for my diet purpose....

Maaaann.... it's gonna be very tough months waiting ahead of me... I really hope I won't lose my spirit and guts to keep continue this plan: lose 10 kgs...

*dizzy mode: on*

A New Challenge

2007-03-01T15:26:00.000+07:00

In the mids of my steady and boring life, I actually found a new challenge for myself: to organize my life better.

Yep... I've been wanting to have a better way of life in many aspects: financial, health, activities, achievements, academic (since I'm still a student), music (especially singing) and perhaps my spiritual life (one other big issue).

I've been wanting to have a proportional body since I was in high school, but I could never achieved it. The same goes with my desire to become a straight-A student, or at least maintain my GPA around 3.5; but I've never make it true yet.

Well.... perhaps I'll have to make programs for every aspect I would improve... hmmm... another task...

*wishing I could improve my love life too*

current mode: tired

Wishing Upon a Star

2007-03-01T15:13:00.000+07:00

I met this very cute and adorable looking prospective last night...
We only stared at each other. I was affraid to make a move...
I wish I could meet that cutie again...

*sigh....*

Mellow mode: on

Need Something New

2007-02-27T08:04:00.000+07:00

My life is somehow steady at the moment. I found no big challenge... no whatsoever that could make me on fire...

My spiritual life is stucked and I did and am doing nothing to improve it...

My love life sucks... as always...

My family life has been like that all the time, only two major improvements: better relation with Dad and Bro...

My campus life is also sucks... I'm tired of the routines.

Basically, I love dynamic life instead of this monoton phase I'm having at the moment.

I'm tired.... chapeee dee....

Sigh....

*thinking of what leap should I make*

tired mode: on
lazy mode: on

Jog in The Night

2007-02-23T09:58:00.000+07:00

Yesterday was very emotional to me. I had a great anger that I needed to transfer. The energy in my body needed to be leased. So, I decided to go home at around 9 P.M, then I went jogging starting at 10 minutes before 10 P.M. Quite unusual in Jakarta, right? Huehehehehehehe...

And, it was actually quite an odd view to see someone jogging in the middle of the night around complex, here in Jakarta, Indonesia. Hahaha. Even dogs were very annoyed with me. I passed my Madre's house when I decided to finish my jog, then they were there in front of the house. One was outside the gate, and the other one was inside the gate.

When I was approaching the house, they already started barking and barking and barking and even the bark got louder and louder as I apporached them. I believe the whole neighborhood could awake. Even the deaths could have been awake from the ground to hear that bark.

Actually, when I visit the house during the day, they recognize me and they were always nice with me. Perhaps they didn't recgon me last night. Hiks...hiks...

What made me a bit upset was when the outside dog tried to bite me. I actually felt her teeth on my calf, then I turned back and face her. Then she slowly retreated while keeps barking and barking until I was gone from her sight.

Well... What a funny experience last night. Lesson learned: I'll keep jogging during the night without passing my Madre's house.

My Quantum Leap

2007-02-22T18:40:00.000+07:00

When last year I decided to add Accounting minor to my Marketing major, I didn't think that my decision would take me to a new adventure. I only thought that it would add more value to my degree. Moreover, I think that I would need some Accounting ability to be a better Marketing person.

Last semester I was supposed to take Cost & Management Accounting, but then I dropped the class because I thought I had enough core subjects to keep me occupied. This semester is the time when I really take subjects to fulfill my Accounting minor requirement: Intermediate Financial Accounting, System Thinking, Management Information System (I wonder what do these two do with my minor, hmm...8-|).

Anyway...

I just realized that my decision has brought me into a new experience: new classes with new people other than my Marketing classmates. I mingle with students from Information System major, Accounting major, and other Marketing major students. They are all either Freshmen or Sophomores. I finally get a new environment and this what people called "getting out from your comfort zone". In my opinion, it's a "quantum leap." It's all about being courageous to make decision for new things, new experience, and (perhaps) new life.

Yep... it's giving me new spirits for my study. I do hope I could do my best for my study...

*waiting for my next 'quantum leap' in my life soon*

How He (God) Did It?

2007-02-22T07:51:00.000+07:00

Several days ago, I was gonna share many good things happened in my family under this title... How after a crisis my family could became together again, how we went out for a simple dinner on Valentine's Day, how we had dinner together on the Chinese New Year's Eve, how we went out for brunch with other relatives to celebrate Chinese New Year's, and how the situation was peaceful at home.

But... it has changed now. My mom's change is truly a temporary thing. It was such a miracle she asked apology to me for the sake of Dad that night... Sigh... My prediction was correct. The change is temporer only.

I don't know what's wrong with me or with her. I don't know who's fault is this. I've been trying very hard to do what everyone around me told me to do when I deal with mom: keep silent. Well, for some reason, I could keep silent and let her finish the nag whenever she wants. But, this lately she's been nagging over the border, and that's when I stop my silence. I couldn't handle it anymore. Wish I really left the house that night without prolonging my time to pack up things.

Everything she complaint to me was actually a simple thing that could be kept as simple as that. But, unfortunately, the way she delivers her complaints makes everything becomes extravagant, extraordinary, and extra-everything. Yep, I'm not over-reacting or make things sound hiperbole... it's true.

Everytime she got mad at me, she complaints about little things I didn't do. She blamed me for not helping (her) to do chores. She complaint that I couldn't return the favor of whatever things my parents initiatively did for me. Some other time she complaint that I can't be responsible for myself. Basically, she was saying that I don't have initiative, I'm irresponsible and that I don't care about my surrounding and my family. It sounds like I'm a monster who always creates troubles and triggers fight at home.

Now, I'm not the only child they have in their family, right? I fell I'm treated unfair here. I'm tired... tired with everything... the never-changing situation, the nags, the blames, the judgments... everything.

I think I have to take courage to make a BIG CHANGE.... I'm better and they're better when I'm away from them. Believe me. Unfortunately, I can't be on my own yet. I still depend on my dad. Maybe it's the time I move from my comfort zone and try to live independently, although maybe I'll have to live my life like crazy: working and studying. More unfortunately, it's very hard to find a part-time job, here, in Jakarta.... sigh...

Well... Let me try to figure things out, and I'll share everything later on... I just wonder... How He Did this to me....

It's been Edited

2007-02-16T13:36:00.000+07:00

My title "Supposed to be Fresh From The Oven" has been edited. Please take a look, and you'll see the thrill...

peace....

What an Improvement

2007-02-15T11:06:00.000+07:00

I can't believe what's happening here...

The day after that fight night was kindda confusing. My dad acted different. He conversate more often to me and showed his care to me, something he never did in my whole 20 years of life. Well, I believe people change and sometimes when we are lucky, we can see a positive change of people surrounding us. Well, I was a little touched with what my dad did and I did not want to prolong the issue of that night. I slowly calming down. Still in progress to make peace until now. I just want them to understand me better. Gosh... I'm already 22 but my problems seems like a 16-ers problem. Sigh...

As for my mom, I believe she will be calming down for some days... But, I don't mean to be rude, it's a temporary thing. based on my experience, she will always be like what she's been. I won't be surprised if I cross with her again sometime in the future... Well, as for now, at least she knows what I want and how I feel.

Well, at least now there's calm in my house. Yesterday when a friend asked me what actually had happened, after she read my blog; I went into a short contemplation to summarize the main issue, and this what I found: the problem is all about tolerance and respect. Yep... that's that.

I also came into thinking that without love, care, and support from friends and bestfriend, I couldn't hold my anger and stay sane in facing this. Thanks Cq, Roel, Sander, and Debbie for caring about me. You guys rock...!!!

Thank God... =)

This Suppossed to be Fresh From The Oven

2007-02-14T14:03:00.000+07:00

Several days ago, before I went to Bandung, I was connecting to internet at home. I was sitting on the floor and I put the laptop on a chair in front of me. Suddenly, I got a desire to take a cookies from a coffee table near me.

I got up to my left, and heard a light munchy sound and felt something on my left step. But I ignored it. I said to myself, "maybe it's just my imagination." Then I went to the table and eat one piece of cookie before I turn back and fouuunnnnndddd.......

Euuuuugggghhhhhhh...... EEEEUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH...... EEEEUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH......!!!

There, beside where I sat before I got up to take a cookie, laid a casualty of a cocroach... EEEUUUGGGGHHHH.... and there was something long and thin spread out of the cocraoch's body. I think it was its intestine....

Euuuuugggghhhh.... look at the picture.

I was going to publish this story right away after the incident, but at that time, the dial-up connection was worse... so, this story supposed to be fresh from the oven at that time....

Greetings from the Cocroach Buster...

Intermezzo...

2007-02-14T13:03:00.000+07:00

I never actually share my problems, especially family problems to anyone I don't know well enough... but since this is m y blog, I think i can do whatever I want..

To make the story short, last night something extraordinary happened. I got a fight with parents and I almost left the house by the order of my mother. When I was really going to leave, they force me to stay by turning the situation upside-down, making me feels that I was the one who made the mistake... Sigh... Then I didn't have any choice than stay at the house... God knows how bad I wanted to leave...

Now I can't describe how I feel. I think I already lost my heart and feelings. I don't know... Am I being a robot right now? Pretending to anyone that nothing happened and life goes on like normal? Or am I just being professional? I don't think those are important thoughts. Haha... What important now is what am I gonna do to my life and what is the best solution for my problems at home...

O Help me God...

My last week of Holiday, counting every seconds...

2007-02-13T14:00:00.000+07:00

Hey yaaaa.....!!!

Wazzup you guys? I just got back from Bandung, a famous city near Jakarta, visiting a family over there. And today is Tuesday. And next week, my classes will begin... sigh.... :(

Over the last weekend, I've become a very lazy couch potato. All I did was eating, relaxing, eating, watching DVDs, eating, sleeping, and a bit of window shopping. And the result is: I gained 2 more kgs... Hahahaha.... Should be dieting from now.

Well, well, well....

The feeling now really comes to me. I've realized it actually since few weeks ago, but I really feel it now. It's my last week of semester break, and I have to face my responsibility as a college student starting tomorrow. Sigh....

Yep, tomorrow I'll have a meeting with my committee from last semester's project. We'll discuss our last steps to end the project. Maybe you guys are wondering what kind of project it was... well, you guys can check on http://www.ipc2006.info. It was a project under my subject "Integrated Multimedia Marketing Communication" at my university. Anyway...

Yep.. reality finally hit. I step my feet on the ground again. The holiday season is almost over, and all I can do to cherish is to keep all the good memories in my heart and mind, especially my experience with new friends at the 2nd Asean Student Leader's Summit in the Philippines. Sigh... what a memory...

Responsibility... assignments... challenge... hard works.... Here I Commmmeeeeeeee...........!!!!!!

Rains in Jakarta = Flood..... ;[

2007-02-07T16:30:00.000+07:00

Yep.... whenever the rainy season comes, Jakartan should be ready to face the flood. And this happens every single year around January-February.

Moreover, every 5 years, there's one big flood happens in this metropolitan city. What an urban life....

This year, the flood really hit Northern area (Kelapa Gading) and Southern Area (Kemang) while last 5 years it hit Northwestern area (Pluit, Muara Karang) and Western area (Greenville-Green Garden).

This all started in last Thursday'd midnight. A never-ending, heavy rains fell down from the sky. When I woke up in the morning, I realized that something happened becoz of the rain... flood. And this time it's a big one....

continue on my next post... ... ...

Finally: Access to the World... !!!

2007-02-07T16:12:00.000+07:00

I finally can have access to this world...

Yiiippppiiieeeeeee!!! (thanks to my friend Sander & Roel)...

Since last Saturday, I was kept home and the surrounding area becoz of the flood. What a crazy flood. We've had it since Friday.... it was the beginning. The worst came on Monday...

Yep, I've been doing nothing productive at all.... because of the flood, we have no electricity, and that means we have to take water manually from the well. What a job..... moreover... no electricity means no light, no TV, no computers, no Air Con, no nothing..... That also means mosquitos, heat, silence, darkness, sweats.... hate all of 'em. Moreover, we also have no phone connection... means no internet. Thank God man created cell-phone.... this is also an issue, since no electricity, we can't recharge our battery...

What a world, what a world...

Good news for now is the flood has been decreasing since last night, and let us pray that there won't be any heavy rain again for this week.

Damned Cocroach

2007-01-31T14:40:00.000+07:00

Cocroach is everywhere in my house this morning. Actually, they've been there ever since my family rented the house, but usually they only come out at night while everyone is sleeping and the lights are all out.

But, this morning was a very great exception...!

I woke up at 6.30, then I went to the back bathroom to take a mop and clean the house, it was there... then I killed it with a bug spray.

When I finished cleaning the house and went to my room, one cocrach appeared out of nowhere near a container box in my room (eeeuuuggghhhhh...), then I went out to take a bug spray and killed it. Apparently there was one cocroach casualty behind my closet... It was like eeeuuuuugggghhhh.... I had to move my night stand to threw it away....

When I was in the living room watching TV and eating my breakfast, a couple of cocroach appeared again out of nowhere... Then I sprayed them death... Eeeeuuuggghhhh....

My experiences dealing with cocroaches in the house my family rent is more than enough... please... help..... I hate them... especially when they fly around like crazy... They're driving me nuts already without even flying.... Eeeeuuuuggghhhh...

What's happening here? Why do they came out like that? My dad said that rainy season could be the case... they don't like water very much, thus they came out from their hiding place...

Well, as for me, if they ever appear again in front of my face, I will not hesitate to use any force to make them death (without touching them with my bare hands nor foot, off course...).

So, let us unite as the Cocroach Fighter Squad, and destroy that nasty bug from the earth.... !!!

Goodbye My Fatty....

2007-01-30T15:30:00.000+07:00

Goodbye My Fatty…

Last week I went to the Philippines for a student summit. When I got back home, a bad news awaits for me: my Fatty had gone.

On the night of arrival, I didn’t bother to ask where my Fatty was since I was too tired and exhausted because of the return trip. Also, I was too busy unpacking and distributing some items to my family.

The next day, I asked my brother where Fatty was. Then one shocking, horrible story I got as a reply: Fatty was attacked by a cat and only survived for two days after the attack. All these happened during my stay in the Philippines.

After that, I went back to my room and suddenly cried. I mean, I really-really cried. I cried like a baby… it was a real BOO-HOO… I was even surprised I was crying for 5-10 minutes. I believe it was my first time I’ve ever felt a loss. I love Fatty very much. I was so sad that I wasn’t there to protect her; I was so sad that I wasn’t beside her during her striving moment. Moreover, I was so upset with my family who couldn’t take a better care of her.

Calmed myself, I went for breakfast then I went to my dad to ask better explanation and the detailed story. And he told me:

It all happened just about three days before my return in the afternoon. A cat came into the living room through the open terrace-door. Nobody was in the living room, seemed like everyone was busy with their own business in their room. When my dad went out from his room, he found the cat already kicked and roll my lovely Fatty with its paws.

My father then shoo the cat away, and my Fatty was still alive. My dad then put her back into her place, and thought that nothing serious happened since Fatty could still runs, eats, drinks, and play around; until two days after when my family found out that lovely Fatty has become a casualty: cold and stiff, lying still in the cage.

After the explanation, I could not say anything. I thought I would just kill every single cats around my neighborhood, but then I realized that it would not bring my Fatty back to life, also it’s been cat’s nature to do things like that. Then, I thought I would put my anger and blame to my family (mom, dad, bro), but then I realized that it wasn’t totally their faults. We usually keep the terrace-door opens, and no single creature such cats or dogs ever come in. Maybe it was just the time for my lovely Fatty. My dad lighted me by saying that it was just her bad day.

Well, I have to tell you facts why I love Fatty that much, otherwise you won’t understand a guys like me cried like boo-hoo for 5-10 minutes:

Fatty is very chubby and that makes her very cute

Fatty has a very soft and warm fur that could provide me comfort whenever I feel sad

Fatty is very kind and nice to all people, she never hurts people, unlike her mate

Fatty only bites lightly to show that she wants to play around with you

Fatty understand how I want to play with her: simply put my palm in her cage and she will jump onto it and wait for me to lift her up

Fatty knows how to behave. Every time I let her run around the house (most of the times in my room), she never destroys anything valuable.

Fatty knows how to tease. Whenever I want to put her back in the cage, she always hides until I got tired. Then out of the blue when I already forgot my intention to find her, she came out and poke my foot to get my attention, then stay still for a while to stare at me, then rush back to her hiding place.

Fatty never gets mad even when I forget to fetch her food for a few days

Fatty always struggle to get up (since she is very chubby) when me and my brother lay her back, and the struggling moment to stand on her feet was very cute

Now… I’ll have to live without her…

... ... ... ;(

To my lovely Fatty,

Thank you for being there whenever I need comfort from your fur
Thank you for accepting me as your master
I am truly sorry I wasn’t there when you need me.
Your memory will always stay in my heart forever
I will never forget every single moment I had with you
So long my little Fatty,
I pray for your happiness in your Heaven
…
…

…

A new Change...

2007-01-30T15:00:00.000+07:00

Blogspot.com has made its change and not it's my turn to make one too: Revealing the real me...

The first time I created this blog, I thought I would be better to keep me anonymous. I was so affraid of people's judgement that I couldn't be true in my writings. Well, FYI, I was still very careful with my preceding writings though, so what's the difference? Hahaha... Now I finally decided that it's the time just to be me...

I am Eko Prayitno... nickname Echo. You can see my profile in my friendster account: e.prayz@gmail.com

I am just who I am...

So, see ya through my next writings, and don't hesitate to put your comments. I'll be waiting for that, off course I'll screen them first. Only the positive one I'll show Hahahaha... LOL.
Cheerz... =)
Echo

I'm ready to launch my personal life now... :)